Letters from Nicholas Duval
by Percival Jones
Summary: Basically, for the past year, a guy named Nicholas Duval has been sending me letters as a form of therapy or something. I never replied to them because i don't know what to say anyway. His life's one big bowl of mess that i just can't describe properly. Maybe you know what to do with them.
1. Chapter 1

AN: For almost a year, my mailbox has been invaded by letters from this random stranger named Nicholas James Duval. At first, I thought it was just some random joke but the more I read through his accounts, the more I realized how serious his situation is. And frankly, I don't know what to do with it! That's why I'm publishing each of his letters on this site; hoping that other people will know what to make with his story. Here's the first letter he sent me.

* * *

Letter # 1

Hello, ummmm whoever you are. I'm sorry for disturbing you with this letter and I'd understand if you don't continue on reading it. I don't need you to reply to my letters. I just need someone or something to voice out the thoughts that are complicating my high school life. A friend of mine actually suggested that I do this as a form of therapy. Well actually, she told me that I could just keep a journal but then, I figured that that would be a little bit to risqué for my taste. And that's why this piece of paper landed in your mailbox…

Oh yeah, my name by the way is Nicholas James Duval but my friends call me Nick or Nickers. Sometimes they call me Nicky but those who do end up having to visit the Nurse's office. I'm a junior at Dalton Academy, I'm also part of the school's glee club, the Warblers, and I'm, as I mentioned above, a bit troubled lately. And no, it's not about drugs or alcohol or that I got a girl pregnant (stupid stereotypes…). It's something more complex.

I think the perfect place to begin with is last March when our main vocalist Blaine suggested that the Warblers get 'sexy' for a performance. This random idea came about when Blaine and Kurt (his boyfriend, well… not yet at that time but they did become an item eventually… but that's not the story here.) Anyway, the idea came about when they overheard that the judges for this year's regionals were looking for a smoking performance. My fellow Warblers were in on the idea (after a few debates and an attempted attack with a gavel) and soon enough we hitched a plan to perform "Animal" by Neon Trees with our sister school, Crawford Country Day, as the target audience.

Throughout the week leading to the performance, we held practices both for the vocal runs and more interestingly, the 'sexy' choreography which was lead by one of our newest Warbler, Jeff. I was very happy for him. Finally he has come out of his shell and was not afraid to goof off with us fellow Warblers. And of course, he finally was getting a bit of the spotlight since he (well actually, we) tend to get overshadowed by Blaine when it comes to solos. We were making great progress and I saw the Warblers giving Jeff immense praise for all the hard work he had been investing in this performance.

On the last day of practice, Jeff approached me and asked me if we could grab a cup of coffee before we headed back to our dorms. I agreed since it's been a while since we hanged out, just the two of us. He told me to meet up with him by the gates in thirty minutes so that we have enough time to go to our respective dormitories (we're separated since he's a sophomore) and have a quick shower to remove that sweaty feeling from all the dancing we did.

We met by the gates at around seven that night so we just had enough time to get some coffee and be back by eight for the curfew. One of the weird things the two of us shared is that we'd rather walk to the nearest café than drive there like the usual Dalton student. I do it to save up on gas money while he just didn't prefer using his car, especially at night since all he had was a student's permit. Plus, it's easier to talk to each other while walking than driving, less accident prone that way.

Obviously, there was something on his mind aside from coffee for him to ask me out on a coffee run. He usually does this when he wants to confide with me about something. See, we have this big brother-little brother thing going on between us ever since he started his schooling in Dalton, when I was placed as his welcoming committee/tour guide. And as I gained his trust, he started opening up to me till we reached this sibling-like status in our friendship. So yeah, I pretty much have an idea on what's going through his head and at that moment, my brain was chiming "this guy has a problem".

I asked him what was bothering him and he quickly replied that nothing was bothering him; classic Joseph Sterling, denying something even though it's already written in his face. I finally pried it out of him as we sat in our usual table at the coffee shop we frequently visit. He was nervous for our performance tomorrow and he was questioning himself whether he was really good enough. He didn't want to let the Warblers down especially since it's his first time to lead a particular routine. I reassured him and told him that he did a splendid job and half-joked that the only person that will probably mess up tomorrow was Kurt since he couldn't pull off a sexy, masculine move if his life depended on it. He chuckled at that thought and his nerves quickly died out and before the coffee ran out in our cups, he was feeling a lot better about himself. That's one of the good things about Jeff; he doesn't dwell on the negative that much like me. Once he's reassured (which I usually do), he can perform any task awesomely.

The day of the performance finally came and the Warbler's were excited. It's not every day that we get an opportunity to perform in front of a bunch of teenage girls or to be less vague, a bunch of potentially datable after the performance, bunch of teenage girls. We were all lined up as Blaine welcomed the girls that agreed to see our performance (mostly from their own glee club and some of their friends). And as the cue was given, we started to sing out our acapella rendition of Animal. It was really great! All the girls were cheering and screaming and us Warblers all looked like they were having the time of our lives. I pretty much forgot that we were performing when Blaine and Kurt activated the foam machine and we all removed our blazers.

All the girls were satisfied by our sexy performance and we had a little time for mingling afterwards. Blaine had some ladies giggling around him which was funny because A, he was gay, B, all the girls were taller than him and they weren't even wearing high heels and C, Kurt was eyeing each girl like a lioness before tackling a gazelle. Jeff and I also got our fair share of girls and to my surprise, one of the girls asked Jeffers out on a little coffee date. He blushed and I remember laughing out loud because Jeff really looked ridiculous when he blushed. It's like a strawberry with yellow bangs for leaves. He agreed with the idea and they planned on meeting up at Coffee Way, the café Jeff and I go to. I was happy for him but somehow, I felt a bit uncomfortable with the idea. At first I thought it was just a random protective big brother thing or maybe it was because I considered that café as "our place" since none of the other Warblers go there. But I came to understand that I was wrong on both accounts (or maybe the latter was partially true).

Because I realized, after some heavy contemplation, that I was, well… jealous…

And that's the problem I was talking about… Why was I even jealous? I'll tell you more about it the next letter I send to you if you don't mind. Right now, I have to cut this letter short because I still have homework to do and my roommate, Thad, a fellow Warbler and part of the council, just walked in and he'd give me hell if he found out what I was doing. Anyway, thanks for reading this and again, sorry for the disturbance I caused.

If you want to reply, the address of our school is on the envelope. Yeah I know, Captain Obvious strikes again but just in case. I'd appreciate it if you did but I'm okay either way.

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	2. Chapter 2

Letter # 2

So hello once again… So obviously you didn't reply to my letter but you also didn't return it to the sender or told me to back off and stop disturbing you so I guess I'll be continuing on. Oh and since this is the second letter, I guess I want to add a bit of character to you since I really don't know anything about you. So I'll start calling you Jackie. It's an ambiguous name because I have no idea whether you're a girl or a guy or somewhere in between. Jackie sounds nice, don't you think? If you're a guy then you're like all smooth and awesome like Jackie Chan while if you're a girl, it could be a nickname for a sweet name like Jacqueline or something.

And oops, I rambled again. Sorry 'bout that. I'd scratch this paper away and start a new letter but that'd be a waste of paper and ink… Anyway, back to the actual problem.

Last time, I told you that I was jealous, right? Well in reality, I didn't realize that instantly. It was a slow and painful realization and I have to tell you, it was a real shocker when my obliviousness finally wore off.; but more of that next time. For now, I'll backtrack to the date Jeff had with that Crawford Country Day girl, Rose Anne.

* * *

The night after our performance, I was stuck in my dorm room pretty much bored out of my mind. I still didn't feel like doing my homework (yes, I can be quite lazy, can you blame me?) and Thad was out with his girlfriend since it was a Friday and curfew was extended till ten o'clock. I was getting pretty bummed out by the silence that I decided to stroll a bit through the halls of Dalton. Usually, what I do in this situation was either meet up with Jeff (which was not an option since he was on a date) or go to Coffee Way and enjoy some cheap coffee and a few board games with strangers (which was also not an option since that's where Jeff was at that moment). I settled for just going to the library to check out if there were new copies of some of the magazines that the Dalton library subscribes to.

When I arrived at the library, I saw a fellow Warbler typing away on his laptop; probably doing some research paper or coding a practice software program. That Warbler was John Phillip Cho, but we call him Johnny. He was probably one of the smartest in our group (maybe it's the Asian in him) and also one of the shortest; shorter than Blaine in fact (and again, maybe it's the Asian in him). He's one of the more closed-off Warblers, kinda like Jeff was when he started out, but he's a great friend and a decent person to have a conversation with whether it was academic or not. Oh, and he was also Jeffie's roommate.

I approached him and asked him if it was okay to disturb him. He nodded and I immediately started talking. We talked about the program he was working on that time around, what he thought of our performance that afternoon and other stuff that I can't recall by now. We didn't notice that we were conversing a bit loudly that time so the librarian sort of warned us/kicked us out for the night. It was kind of on the right timing though because the moment we stepped outside the library, Johnny's phone rang and on the other side of that phone call was Jeff. Apparently, he forgot to bring his room keys with him and Johnny, ever the suspicious/play-safe guy, tends to always lock their dorm room when both of them are out and about.

I accompanied Johnny back to their dorm wing since I had nothing better else to do anyway (homework doesn't count.) When we got there, I saw Jeff grinning like an idiot as he texted away on his phone. He was so absorbed that he didn't even notice our arrival till Johnny jingled the keys he was holding. Jeff said hello to us but his thumbs kept on punching buttons even as he entered their room. That's one bad habit that Jeff has. He tends to text a lot even while walking or going down the stairs. I swear, one of these days, this guy might end up in a car accident for texting while driving. I wanted to scold him that time (my big brother senses were tingling) but I chose not to because I was pretty sure he was texting Rose Anne.

Johnny looked at me and told me something along the lines of "you seem bothered". I just shrugged it off and told him it was just because of Jeff's texting habit, which at that time was really what I was being bothered about… more or less. Johnny, and his skepticism, thought otherwise though. I forgot what he said to me (weird since that was one of the triggers that made me realize I was actually jealous) but he basically implied that I was more bothered by Jeff having a date than by his bad texting habit.

Johnny gave me a pat in the back and told me that everything was gonna be alright, which was odd that time because there wasn't anything really wrong (denial…). Johnny finally entered their room and said goodnight before he closed the door while I was left a bit perplexed as I walked back to my wing.

When I got back, I received a pretty annoying sign at our room's door, a hanging sock by the door knob. That sign was actually something that Thad joked about when we became roommates. It basically means "I'm getting laid tonight so don't disturb me". I never even thought that he was serious with that till that night and I was pretty pissed off about it (especially when I found out that they did it on my freaking bed!). I had no other choice but to crash into another Warbler's dorm room for that night, which basically meant back to Jeff and Johnny's room. Sure, I could go with the other Warblers like Blaine and Luke's room or Wes and David's (never Kurt's room because he's too uptight with the arrangement and cleanliness of his room…) but Jeff's was the best choice since I knew they were still up and I get along with them nicely even if they're both sophomores.

I texted Johnny that I was on my way back to their room again and asked him if it was okay to stay with them for the night. Johnny of course asked why and I explained Thad's little happy time with a few carefully chosen cuss words. He agreed with the condition that I had to sleep on the floor which was fine by me since Dalton's carpets are comfortable anyway.

When I arrived at their room, I saw that Jeff was still engulfed in his texting bubble and Johnny was clearing out the floor. Johnny handed me a pillow and gestured something towards Jeff which I understood immediately. I tossed the pillow directly at Jeff's face and Johnny and I broke into fits of laughter at his complete shock. Yeah, that image is forever a callable gif loop in my brain now because it was really that funny. He placed his phone on his bed and took the flying pillow and tossed it back at me with full force. And before you knew it, there was a weird two-against-one pillow fight going on (though actually, Johnny wasn't participating at all but he still counted since he was the one that technically started it). We stopped after a few minutes when another Dalton student knocked fiercely at the door telling us to quiet down (but not before we opened the door and threw the pillows at that guy). I can still remember Randall (the other student) muttering curses about our rudeness and immaturity up to date. Hahaha.

But anyway, for me, that stupid act of immaturity (as Randall called it) was a nice experience with Jeffers and Johnny. And I have to admit, it was a nice feeling to see Jeff drop the phone to have some random fun time with me (and that was even before I thought I was jealous). Wow, I really was a very in denial, oblivious dolt back then. Anyway, when things settled down, Jeff finally returned back to his bunk and you guessed it, texted away, while Johnny and I tried to hit the hay. Woah that rhymed! Cool! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.

Some time that night (actually it was already early morning), I woke up because of a weird dream I had. Couldn't remember the whole thing though but it'll be a recurring dream and I'll get to that later. All you need to know was Jeff was in it and yeah, that's pretty much all I can remember from that particular moment… I looked around and saw that Johnny was awake once again, doing some things in his laptop. I got up a bit and approached him (he was in the lower bunk) and joked if he ever actually sleeps. He ignored it and told me something that further made my thoughts jumbled that night (err morning). I was apparently talking in my sleep and Johnny told me that I mumbled Jeff's name quite a lot. I remained silent and he just kept on typing; then he broke the silence when he told me that my secret's safe with him. I became puzzled and he noticed that so he told me to lie down again and catch a few more Zzzs.

The next morning, I woke up with Johnny still coding (I think?) while Jeff was back on texting. I greeted them good morning and to my surprise, Jeff shot out of his bunk and landed next to me. Apparently, that excitement was caused by a "great news" which I didn't really find that great at all.

Because that great news turned out to be a double date that Jeff arranged with Rose Anne and one of her friends… hurray (insert sarcasm). Wow, kinda came off as bitchy there. But to be honest, I wasn't really enthralled by that idea and that was even before I admitted that I was jealous (and before I found out how ridiculous Amy was, I'll tell you 'bout it later). I'm not a big fan of people making plans involving me without my involvement so blind dates are a big NO for me. But Jeff was excited so what else could I do but agree to it. I'm such a sucker, aren't I?

And darn it, detention's almost over (don't ask why I got in…) and my supposed 'time to do homework' is just about finished. Guess I'll tell you all about the horrible double date in my next entry. I'd write more but we have a Warblers' meeting and practice right after this and I have a French exam two days from now which I have to study for.

So Jackie, thanks for reading again and yeah, things are sort of escalating already and pretty soon, you'll know why I needed to even do this therapy in the first place…

Alpha

Jusqu'à la prochaine fois !

Translation: Until next time, I think? And that's why I need to study my French…

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	3. Chapter 3

Letter # 3

Hey Jackie! How are you doing? Life's been hectic in this side of the world. I found a new wave of respect for Blaine because singing the lead is freaking hard! Even if I've known Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" since practically conception, hitting all those high notes are still challenging for me. And I really have to step up my A-game because there's this snooty, annoying, super stretched out meerkat parading around the Warblers now who goes by the name of Sebastian Smythe. He's talented, sure, but his attitude is just aggravating. He thinks he knows the inner workings of the group all so suddenly; plus the fact that he hit on Jeff when he laid eyes on him was really, eeerrrrgggghhh. I just wanna place his overly smug face down a turbo broiler.

Okay, I'll stop now… Too much anger on the first paragraph, yikes! But seriously though, I almost have the mindset right now to just rant about that douche bag but I promised to tell you about the Double date Jeff and I had (Errr Jeff had with Rose Anne and me with Amy…).

Now, if your definition of an awesome double date involves seeing the person you want to date flirt with that person's date and having your date basically froth over you like a rabid pachyderm, then by all means, we had an awesome date. But of course, who in the right state of mind would see that as an awesome date? Answer: no one. You agree with me, right?

So here is how it all happened.

* * *

As you recall, Jeff set the whole thing up and I agreed to it. He scheduled the date on the Friday after that day so that we could enjoy the blessing of an extended curfew. The venue was the usual, Coffee Way. We could have gone out to Breadstix (one of the most popular restaurants in our area) but we agreed that the joyous atmosphere of Coffee Way was what this date needed.

Jeff made his way to their bathroom for a shower before he grabbed some breakfast at the school cafeteria. I would have joined him (not in the shower but in the grabbing of the breakfast… Gosh, what's up with the double meanings of my phrasing today?) . But I still needed to get back to my room to grab a fresh set of clothes and I really preferred to use my own bathroom. Before I left, Johnny closed his laptop and asked if he could have a word (this is a sure sign that it's a serious conversation…). He asked me why I agreed to go on the date in the first place when I found the idea absurd. I denied that I didn't like the idea which didn't really work since annoyance (and jealousy) was pretty much written all over my face. He just told me to be careful and the sooner I came into terms with what I was feeling, the better things might go. I told him I didn't understand what he meant. I know, the Nile is my favorite river in the whole wide world. The Nile, get it? You know the Nile sounds like denial. It's punny!

Anyway, I left after that because I had no plan whatsoever to stick around for the return of the towel clad Joseph Sterling. I made my way to my wing just in time to see Erika (Thad's girlfriend) leave our room with the after-sex hair and her clothes all wrinkled. Technically, it's illegal to bring girlfriends to the students' dorm rooms (and most certainly to have them doing inappropriate things with them) but just like all school rules, the golden policy is: It's not rule breaking if you don't get caught. I waved my hand in her direction to greet her and she waved back shyly before turning her back on me and running for the fire exit.

I unlocked my dorm room and there I see Thad, topless and with sheets (my freaking sheets!) covering down south. Like I told you in the last letter, the dastardly duo did the deed (wow, wonderful word work~) on my bed. I went ballistic and I pulled Thad away from my bed and kicked him out of the room; never really giving a damn if he was completely naked under my sheets (he wasn't…). I locked the door and he was begging me to let him back in, even saying things like 'he'll give me a solo in the next competition' (Thad's kind of a leader of the Warblers, we call them the council, and they pretty much decide what songs to sing and who the solos belong to). I, of course, didn't' budge and went through the shower like I planned to do.

When I was finally dressed up, I opened the door and let poor Thaddeus back to our room and told him that he was going to buy me a new set of bed accessories (from the pillows to the sheets) and that he had to pay for the laundry for the whole month so that I'd keep quiet about the whole incident. He agreed to the terms though a bit begrudgingly but he still shook my hand. And just so I don't look like a bad guy here; I reduced his sentence, the laundry thing to a week, since he really was sorry and he tried to be a great roommate after that (he failed but at least there was an effort).

The rest of the weekend and the duration of the week leading up to the date were pretty uneventful. Most of the things that happened were a whole lot of cramming for my part and the finalizing of our set list for Regionals (though that would change once again due to some bad news. I'll tell you about it next time). Things were even kinda boring. Jeff still typed away on his phone. Johnny still did nerdy things with his laptop. Thad still tried to redeem himself to me. Sebastian still didn't exist to terrorize our lives (those were the days…). Blaine still used hair gel like a maniac. Kurt still moisturized like a maniac and I, I still rowed my little reed boat down the Nile.

Friday finally came by my doorstep and all the nerves I pushed aside finally sprang loose on me. I started asking myself questions like 'What if I hated the girl?' (Which proved true) or 'What if I make a total fool out of myself?' (which was sort of true). I dressed to impress without even knowing it. I sported a cool, casual vest under a button-downed shirt, a nice pair of denim and sneakers and a suave looking jacket to go with the whole ensemble. I remember the whole outfit since Amy took pictures that night and she uploaded it on her Facebook account.

Jeff and I met up by my car (he begged me to bring my car for the date) and I must say, Jeff looked good that night. We drove by Crawford Country Day to pick up Rose Anne and Amy and Jeff didn't miss a beat of his phone. Seriously, those two texted like they weren't going to see each other in a few minutes. I saw Rose Anne and another person (Amy) near the entrance of their school, so I immediately pulled over so they could finally board. To my dismay, Jeff got out of the shotgun seat and let Amy take it while he and Rose Anne sat in the back. Amy smiled at me and I saw that she had braces on and I was like "hell no" because a brace face was my biggest turn off.

I finally drove away and I could see the eyes of the school guard following me as if saying that "I have your plate number so don't you dare do something stupid with those girls". I tried to make small chats with Amy which I have no recollection whatsoever on what they were about right now. But at the same time, I kept glancing at the rearview mirror, looking at what was happening with Jeffers and Rose Anne. I know distracted driving isn't a good thing to do but can you really blame me?

Anyway, we arrived at Coffee Way in no time at all and we took up a nice table for four. My favorite barista/waitress had her shift that day which was totally awesome. Her nametag says Niq (Yeah, we're almost name buddies), but her real name is Dominique. One of the things I love about her was that she could pass as my older sister or a fraternal twin even. Plus, she really is a great girl to be around with especially on game nights at Coffee Way. She was the one to wait on us on that night (of course) and our table soon had plates of pastries, sandwiches, coffees, milk tea (for Rose Anne) and a pack of Monopoly Deal cards we borrowed from the cafe for some sort of entertainment for the date.

The date was officially starting and Amy started complimenting my sexy dancing back at our performance in their school (the one I told you about in my first letter). I just thanked her for the compliment and resumed on sipping my coffee while I politely listened (it's not eavesdropping since it is a double date) on Jeff and Rose Anne's conversations. Amy probably sensed my lacked of interest and started talking more which obviously didn't work. I excused myself for a while to hit the washroom to flick some water onto my face (it helps me concentrate/calm down). When I came out, I saw Niq waiting for me (not the waiter waiting but the waiting for a person waiting, oh you get what I mean). She led me to a corner, out of the field vision of Jeff and the others. Now this conversation is a very ridiculous one so pardon me Jackie if I change from paragraph form to dialogue form just for this tidbit. The talk went something like this:

Niq: What happened between you and Jeff? When did you break up? And who's the girl that Jeff's talking to and how can you be so pleasant with her?

Me: What the hell are you talking about? Break up? Dude, Jeff's not gay and so am I. We're just friends. What made you even think of that?

Niq: Seriously? You weren't a couple whenever you went here on your coffee dates? I don't buy it. The two of you are more couple-y and lovey dovey than me and my boyfriend. C'mon, tell me. I can keep a secret.

Me: Eh? Lovey dovey? That's a little farfetched, don't you think? And for the nth time Dominique (she smacked me in my arm here since she doesn't like being called her real name).

Me: Ouch much. And okay fine, NIQ, we're not a couple; just really good friends who like hanging out here to drink coffee. Nothing more, and to answer your earlier question, those two are our dates.

Niq: If you say so, NICKY. I'm just looking out for you, because you know, I'm your quote unquote big sister. But seriously, you and Jeff are not an item? (I gave her a glare)

Niq: Okay I won't push it anymore. But you really do make a nice couple. Way better than you and your date. Where'd you get that girl from, Narnia?

So yeah, that pretty much summarizes that awkward conversation I had with our apparently fangirling waitress. Now if you think I'd still be Captain Oblivious after that then I'm proud to say that I'll prove you wrong because when I finally returned to my chair, where the trio were starting to play some Monopoly Deal, I started thinking about what Johnny and now, Niq, told me. What does Jeff mean to me anyway? Was he really just a friend to me?

The game progressed and laughs were shared all over but I really was drawn to Jeff's laugh. I never noticed how cute he was whenever he laughed. He just looks so gleeful and young whenever he laughs. And that night was also the first night I actually acknowledged my jealousy. It was a petty thing that made me notice it actually. I basically played a Rent card (or was it a Birthday card?) but the point was, all the players had to pay me something. Rose Anne and Amy already did but Jeff was too distracted with Rose Anne. He didn't notice me (see? Very petty) and yes, I got jealous with the attention he was giving to Rose Anne.

We played more rounds and I have to admit that I really was pretty much ignoring Amy so again, I look like the bad guy here. But there is a reason why I told you earlier that I dislike her. And the reason is well, basically, she gave me a footsie (in case you don't know what a footsie is, it's an act where the person giving the footsie rubs his foot onto the other person's leg/thigh area). It was freaking uncomfortable and I felt harassed. Seriously, that girl should learn the etiquette on a first date and rule number one is 'do not overstep the personal space barrier'. I shook her foot away but she kept going at it so I stood up the table and excused myself again and headed towards the washroom. When I got back, Amy was kinda sulky but Jeff and Rose Anne didn't really notice it so I didn't really have to explain anything.

The date ended in a happy note for Jeffers and a pretty sour note for me (probably more sour for Amy but I didn't really care). We drove off and arrived at Crawford at just the right time (their curfew was only till 9:30) and brief goodbyes were shared. The gatekeeper of the school was still eyeing me and my car but he seemed satisfied that I returned Amy and Rose Anne in one piece and on time. Jeff sat up front again which was cool and we drove back to Dalton.

On the way home though (or technically school), Jeff's phone battery died out so he asked if he could use mine to text Rosie (He started calling her Rosie now instead of Rose Anne, oh joy). I agreed but I didn't like it, pretty much like the date and there really is no use denying how jealous I was at that moment. Here I was, driving Jeff home after his date with Rose Anne with him using my phone to text sweet messages to her. I think I deserved an award for that.

We finally got back to Dalton and parted ways (though I still had to wait for an extra five minutes just so they could have their final text messages…). When I was walking back to my room, I saw Thad and Erika by the door, preparing to leave, and I really was prepared to throw a fit if they did it again in any part of our room. They reassured me though that the worst they did was cuddle up and make-out. They left afterward so Thad could accompany Erika back to her car and I was left in our room with all of my thoughts.

So in summary: I got jealous when Jeff ignores me because he's fawning over Rose Anne. Johnny thought that I should know my feelings more. Niq thought that Jeff and I are adorable together. And Sebastian smells like Craig's List. (Sorry, I really just don't like that guy…). The more that I thought about Jeff and what happened today, the more that I realized what Jeff meant to me; until lo and behold, I finally stopped my tour on the Nile.

I finally admitted to myself that night that I liked Joseph Sterling more than as a friend. But getting out of my denial was the easy part; the main problem really was what to do with that information. I could keep it inside of me forever and let it eat me up which is what most people do when they find out they're inclined to their best friend. Or I could come clean to him which is a ridiculously dangerous idea. Let me give you a bit of a spoiler. I chose the latter, but yeah, more on that some other time.

So yes Jackie, Cupid really sucks sometimes. Making someone fall for someone who the original someone can't fall for. I don't really know which one of the two is more of a douche: Cupid or Sebastian?

On my next letter, I'll tell you more about how I came into terms with that little revelation I had and I'll tell you something about Kurt and Blaine and that bad news we had before Regionals. This letter's too heavy already for more drama so let's separate that.

So yeah, that about wraps this letter up. I think it's time again for me to practice so I could show Sebastian Smythe a thing or two about singing with the Warblers at tomorrow's practice. Oh and thought you'd like to know, I did amazingly in that French exam I told you about last letter!

Thanks for reading again Jackie and P.S. if you somehow hear a news report about a brutally murdered student somewhere in Ohio and he happened to look like a meerkat, I had nothing to do with it.

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	4. Chapter 4

Letter # 4

So you still haven't replied to any of my letters Jackie. But that's alright. At least you're still tuning in to my ramblings. I'm actually at Jeff and Johnny's room right now because Thad sort of politely kicked me out of the room tonight because it was his and Erika's second anniversary today. Time sure does fly. And yes, I gave Thad the go signal to do whatever they wanted in the room as long it doesn't involve my stuff and I don't see any evidence of it when I get back (there was one time when I saw a pair of panties under my bed and I swear Erika couldn't look me in the eye for more than a month). Jeff's out in the library, doing a last minute cram fest with a research paper for social studies. That's why I have the time to write here in their room. Johnny knows about this thing I do anyway so he's cool with it. Oh, and he says hi by the way.

Anyway, let's get back on track. So I told you that something nice was going to happen to Klaine (that's what us Warblers called them, though I still wanted Kurt CoBlaine…) after the whole double date thing, right? Well before they became a couple, there was some bad news that came to the doorsteps of Dalton; but more on that later. Hahaha yeah, I like keeping you on the edge of your seat. And besides, there's a little story to tell before that drama.

* * *

During the morning of that day, the Warblers planned to have a flash mob performance of Maroon 5's "Misery" just to increase the hype of our Dalton schoolmates over the coming Regionals. I was actually the one to blame for the song choice because I was the one that suggested it to Thad. Now Thad just thought that I suggested it because it was a cool and popular song which suited Blaine's voice perfectly (yeah… Blaine still got that solo). But I actually suggested it because I was pretty much miserable with the dilemma I was facing with regards to my newly discovered feelings for Jeff.

We performed the song and as usual, it was a hit to all of our fellow Daltoners. But I didn't really think of performing well for that nor did I think about the cheers and the applause we were getting. All I thought about was Jeff and to quote the song "I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you", because that perfectly fit my situation. I wanted to tell him but at the same time, ii didn't want to. And accompanying my realization for my feelings for Jeff was me always noticing how Jeff spends most of his time texting Rose Anne. I suddenly felt like our friendship really was changing and that i was starting to be far away from him. It really was great that Thad didn't give me that song to sing because I probably wouldn't have sung it for Dalton. I would have sung it for Jeff. Oh and Johnny took a glance at the letter and told me that I should come clean about all the eyefucking I've been giving Jeff in the whole duration of our performance. So there you go, Johnny's satisfied. And to be clear, I wasn't really eyefucking him. I was merely observing and contemplating what would it be like to be with Jeffers. As the song goes "he really got me bad, he really got me bad".

Anyway, enough about me. Now I'm going to talk about that demented news I was talking about awhile ago…

But first we need a little background check on some Warbler traditions (I'm cruel, aren't I? But I assure you, that this is needed to really understand the bad news). And I'm sure Wesley, our head council member that year, would appreciate that I did this.

Part of our bylaws state that every new member of the Warblers must take care of their own personal warbler for a given duration of time (usually around four to six months depending on the council). Now that songbird must be properly taken care of and any sign of maltreatment or neglect is punishable by membership suspension or worse, termination. I remember when I was new to the Warblers and I had to take care of my own warbler, Carreras. I almost had a mini heart attack when I brought him home for Christmas vacation. You see, we have a cat in our home and he kept clawing for Carreras even though he was on his cage. On Christmas day, when we finally woke up for presents and stuff, I saw Minerva (that's our cat's name since everyone in the household is a big HP fan) with her paw crammed inside Carreras' cage and Carreras flying wildly in panic, trying to get away. That Christmas day really was unforgettable because of all the scratch marks I received from removing Minerva out of that predicament…

Now finally, the drama I was talking about.

Kurt had his own warbler by the name of Pavarotti and all the Warblers saw how great Kurt took care of him. Heck, Pavarotti was pretty much pampered from the food he ate to the posh cage covers he had. But tragedy struck and Pavarotti died (yes, all of that build up for the death of a bird, but it was a special bird so he deserved it). Now when Kurt announced that unfortunate news in front of the Warblers, all of us were really rendered speechless. Kurt was a nice addition to the Warblers and he really took care of Pavarotti down to his smallest feather so revoking his membership was pretty impossible to do. Heck, if Wesley pounded that gavel to officiate a sentence, I would rise up and tell everyone that Pavarotti probably died out of sheer happiness. But that didn't happen because Kurt asked the Warblers if he could sing a song in honor of Pavarotti. He sang a lovely rendition of The Beatles' "Blackbird" and I have to tell you, his rendition was really moving. Us Warblers started chiming in some melody after some time and I remember seeing Blaine looking at Kurt with such, I don't really know how to explain it properly. There was a mixture of sadness, longing, pity and well, love in his expression. Blaine never tore his gaze away from Kurt in that whole melodic exchange. It really was a moment for them and that made me wonder if I will ever have that kind of moment with Jeff. Kurt finished his performance and he was closed to tears as he thanked us for letting him sing. He quickly excused himself out of the room since he didn't want us to see the waterworks. Blaine quickly stood up and followed Kurt but not before he told us that there was no way Kurt's membership will be terminated. I remembered all the Warblers looking at Wesley (and David and Thad) that moment, whether he will say something back or bring up a random historical detail about the Warbler traditions. But a miracle really did happen that day since Wesley didn't side with the rules and tradition; he sided with emotion and reason. Our meeting was adjourned immediately due to the news and the absence of Blaine (and Kurt). Everyone pretty much scattered after that; going to their respective dorms or to the library (that means Johnny). I on the other hand, wanted to check up on Blaine and Kurt. As much as I often joked around about how eccentric Kurt was with his beauty products and how much Kurt and Blaine acted too much like a couple that it made me want to puke out Klainebows, I still cared a lot for my overly moisturized friend. And I owe Kurt a lot too especially since he's the one that always tutored me for French, even up to this date.

I went to his dorm room and knocked first before entering. I heard Blaine saying 'come in' so I went inside to see a tearful Kurt with Blaine sitting next to him, comforting him by rubbing his back. Before I could speak up, Blaine asked me what the council's verdict was. I told them the good news and relief shot through the both of them. I felt like I was intruding on them so I slowly backed up to go to the door. Kurt saw me escaping so he called me out and told me to stay since he wanted to talk to me about something. That something turned out to be a very awkward conversation. Way more awkward than the one I had with Niq. Kurt asked Blaine to leave for a while and I could see Blaine's disappointment in that but he still followed suit.

When Blaine left, Kurt immediately spoke up and asked me if I liked Jeff. My mind just blanked and I got a bit irritated that a lot of people know about this. Heck, some people (like Johnny) even knew about it even before I knew about it, what's up with that? He took my stunned silence as a yes and I remembered seeing a small smile creep out of his face. And I use the term 'creep' in both ways because the transformation from weepy Kurt to smiling Kurt was in fact, creepy. His smile faded away soon though as he suddenly placed a serious face, with a serious tone to match. He told me to wake up from the fantasy because that would save me from the heartache. I asked him what he meant and he went into this litany that the chances of a straight guy actually reciprocating the feelings of a gay guy was almost zilch. He wanted me to stop it so I wouldn't experience the same thing he felt for a guy named Finn (who turned out to be part of his glee club and to add to the weirdness, he was Kurt's step-brother). I reasoned with him that maybe this was different since A, Jeff and I are friends after all and B, I wasn't gay; In fact, I don't believe in those gender labels. That's an idea I kinda adapted to while being here at Dalton. There's a zero tolerance policy for bullying and violence of any form in this school so after spending four years of my life here(three years at that time), I've come across a lot of guys with different orientation that take refuge in this school, Kurt included. And upon interacting with them, I just, I dunno, developed this mindset that gender labels really aren't that important. Love is love and if that's who you are and that's who you want to love then go for it. Of course, Kurt didn't think like that. He even thinks that bisexuality is something gay men invented so they have an excuse to hook up with girls. But lucky for me, Kurt didn't debate on that whole gender topic. But he still iterated that my feelings for Jeff were a good thing because it helped me discover who I am but a bad thing since it wouldn't amount to anything. To be honest, I was quite pissed off by Kurt's cynical attitude that time but I just attributed it to him being upset over the whole Pavarotti thing. I thanked him for the concern and I told him that I was going to think it through (which I did).

Before we called Blaine in again (he was still waiting by the hall), I told Kurt to never let go of his feelings for Blaine because I believed that Blaine was beginning to come around. Kurt just laughed and told me that he didn't want to expect anything anymore because it'd be less painful that way. I just shrugged it off because there's no use talking more about it. That's just how Kurt was. We may have different views in life but at the end of the day, I still respected him for being who he was.

Wow, pretty heavy stuff there, right? Well Johnny thought so. So yeah, maybe it's time to cut this letter off. And besides, Jeff could be back any minute now and he couldn't see this little writing project of mine. Anyway to lighten up the mood, Blaine and Kurt actually got together the day after that fiasco. And they're still staying strong till now; though recently, Sebastian has been meddling with Klaine with his evil meerkat-y ways.

And woah, Jeff just entered the room so there's no time for a lengthy goodbye! See you next time, Jackie!

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Sorry for the delay in typing out Nick's letters. I had a little problem re-deciphering this particular letter since I had to douse this one with water and rubbing alcohol when I got it. Why I did that will be explained by Nick in his letter…

* * *

Letter # 5

Hi Jackie, I just got back here at my dorm room after watching New Directions' Sectionals. Gosh, they were amazing! Paying tribute to the music of the Jackson family was really an awesome idea. And oh yeah, you don't know about New Directions yet. They're actually a rival show choir group from McKinley high, Kurt's old school. Funny thing though is, Kurt transferred back there and Blaine, being the devout boyfriend, transferred with him this year. So basically, two of our most outstanding vocalists left us for New Direction. And it was funny to see that they were getting the Blaine treatment already with Blaine singing two out of the three songs for their set list. Although one was a duet and the other was a group number unlike here where it's pretty much Blaine and the pips. Kurt was so amazing when he sang in "ABC" with the two Asians of their choir (I forgot their names but I remember they have the same last name so they might be siblings or something). I kinda miss those two but hey, they're happy there so who am I to stop them? And besides, with Blaine out of the picture, I finally got a chance to sing lead in our Sectionals last week (which we won with flying colors!).

Anyway, since I'm already talking about competitions, I might as well start telling you all about our Regionals last year. The one I told you that we have been preparing for in the past letters. Now we were also facing New Direction that time and to be honest, after seeing their performance using their self-written songs, they deserved their victory and every single inch of that trophy they got. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start with the bus ride to the venue shall we?

* * *

The bus was a standard shuttle bus, well standard for the Richie Rich kids of Dalton. Plush seats, built in TV, DVD player, karaoke machine and even a comfort room. So yes, that's the standard school bus for Dalton. We usually sat with our roommates (stupid buddy system) but since Thad's a council member, he sat up front with Wesley and David and our chaperone, Mrs. Grayson. Johnny and Jeffers were somewhere upfront since we were technically seated by year level but we were free to swap around once attendance was checked. That's why Kurt and Blaine were seated behind me that time and they looked so adorable, lucky me (insert sarcasm marker here).

I cranked my iPod to the loudest volume to block out the world like I usually do whenever I travel. The first song that played was "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield and I mentally cursed that moment because the song just hit me perfectly. The song pretty much captured the emotion of pure, unfiltered jealousy. Soon enough, I was tapping my fingers to the beat and mouthing the lyrics of the song but instead of 'Jessie's girl', I changed it to 'Rosie's guy'. I loved the song so much and it's sudden connection with my problem that I replayed it thrice. You'd think that the song coincidence would stop there but it didn't. Because the next song pretty much had the same impact on me. The song was Colbie Caillat's "Falling For You". It really is funny how I have so many songs stored on my iPod that I listen to frequently but then one day (like that day) that random shuffled song turns into something more than an average song. The song played on and I felt like I was experiencing a life montage. I paused the song when I felt someone tapping my shoulder and saw that it was Johnny; who was asking if he could seat beside me. I asked him why and he basically ranted that Jeff's message alert tone was already stuck in his head and it was driving him nuts. I scooted to the side so Johnny could sit and played the song again. I pretty much raped the replay button because I couldn't get over the song. I stopped when Johnny tapped me again and asked me why I was tearing up. I didn't even realize it till Johnny pointed it out. I just wiped it away and told him it was nothing which obviously did not convince him. He told me that he'll let it slide that time but we were going to have a conversation about it after we win Regionals. Like I told you awhile ago, we lost Regionals so I thought I was off the hook but Johnny was persuasive so we still talked about it… but more of that later.

We finally reached our destination and we immediately headed to our green room. We had some warm-up exercises and we ran through "Candles" by Hey Monday one more time since it was our least practiced song. After that, we headed to the auditorium to watch the first group to perform, Aural Intensity. I'm not going to describe their number anymore because I 'm still trying to forget about it. It was just so... not my thing. After them came our group and we started off with "Candles" headed by Kurt and Blaine. I still don't get why they chose that song to sing since it's a freaking break up song. But they delivered it nicely. We followed up with P!nk's "Raise Your Glass" as our chosen anthem since that's the requirement for that Regionals. Blaine led the performance while us pips danced and chimed along. It was fun to perform, kinda like "Animal", and the choreography was simple yet effective and we had Jeffers to thank for that. It was a smash hit and we all thought that the first place trophy and the ticket to Nationals was ours but of course we didn't expect New Directions to sing original songs…

They opened up with Rachel Berry (their lead female singer) singing her own composition and it was so beautiful and her voice and emotions was spot on. I remember a particular part of the song were I pretty much wanted to tear up. I believe the lyrics in that were "And accept the truth  
that sometimes life isn't fair. I'll send out a wish and a prayer so finally someone will see how much I care" or something close to that. Those lyrics struck me hard that time. And I felt like the universe was conspiring in giving me a sign in the form of music that day. To top it all off, I was seated next to Jeff that time and I was staring at him when those lyrics were sung. Oh, and he noticed me staring and asked me if I was okay. Talk about an embarrassing moment… I just waved it off and watched Rachel belt out the final parts of her song and tried to keep my emotions intact. Their last number was their anthem performance and people were cheering madly by the awesomeness of the original song. Kurt started throwing off foam fingers to support his old show choir and the Warblers tagged along by waving them in the air. They finished by throwing confetti from the slushie cups they were holding towards the audience. Kurt explained afterwards that that was a parody of one of the worse things the bullies in their school do to them. Awards soon came and as I have mentioned earlier, New Directions won and we bagged 2nd place.

Now came the dreaded part of that day, the talk with Johnny.

When we got back to Dalton, Johnny pretty much dragged me out of the group. And I'm not exaggerating on that detail. He went straight to the point (as usual) and asked me why I cried. I still denied it and Johnny uttered the word "Bullshit" so sharply I was left stunned. Johnny rarely curses especially with that much intensity. This guy meant business that moment and fooling him won't do any merit so I came clean. I told him about the song and I just felt highly emotional because of it. I even told him about that moment when Rachel sang and he replied that he noticed that too. Yes, Johnny is really that observant. If this guy worked for CIA or the secret services in the near future then our government will be terrorist-free. I asked him what I should do and as expected, he told me that I should just tell him to get this over with. But what I didn't expect from him was his other suggestion. He wanted me to sing "Falling For You" towards Jeff at one of the upcoming Warbler meetings.

The next scene that happened was probably so comical for an audience point of view because it looked like a scene straight out of HIMYM (How I Met Your Mother, that cool Fox show that looks like a modern day Friends). I ruffled my hair in disbelief, I approached him slowly till I was almost face to face with him (well actually, it's more of a neck to face since he's smaller), and I slapped him lightly in the face. When he recoiled and asked me what that was for, I slapped him again (playfully of course~). And then I held him by his shoulders and shook him as I asked him if he was crazy. Pretty comical, right? But he really did mean what he suggested and the weird thing is, I small part of me wanted to do that.

After a few more chatter about our different perception of a playful slap and a real slap, we headed back to our respective dorm rooms. Thad was inside when I returned and he asked me if I was alright because I looked so confused. Looking at the mirror in our bathroom, his assessment wasn't far from the truth. I wasn't just confused though, I was perplexed and anxious. Will I really do what Johnny said? Spoiler Alert: I actually did, sort of… But more of that in my next letter because right now, I have to clean up my desk because of the mess I made.

Sorry for the random blots of chocolate fudge in this letter. Niq baked me a Chocolate Lava cake just because she felt like it and I was eating while writing. Gosh, I'm such a messy eater but hey, it's a Chocolate Lava cake, it really is bound to get messy… Anyway I have to clean up right now Jackie or the dorm inspector will kill me for the mess! Ciao for now!

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	6. Chapter 6

Letter # 6

Hi Jackie! Advance Happy Holidays to you and your family. I would have said Merry Christmas but I'm not sure if you celebrate that particular holiday. I'm out at the Lima Mall right now, staying at the Food Court waiting for Niq to arrive so she can help me out with some of my Christmas shopping and vice-versa. I've already started out with some of my Christmas shopping though. I bought Niq this cute Piplup stuff toy (the cute little blue penguin in Pokémon) because she adores penguins so much. I bought Johnny this amazing mug with the words 'SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK' written on it. I bought an awesome red and blue bowtie for Blaine so he can have a touch of Dalton on his outfits and I bought Kurt this weird collar-ish scarf thing from some designer store he frequently visits. I even bought Sebastian a present. I saw this cheap book in the sale pile entitled "Meerkat Manor" by Tim Clutton-Brock. I'm pretty sure he'll appreciate the gesture (insert evil snicker here). But anyway, I'm pretty sure you're not reading this to know about my shopping list so I'll get back to the story at hand.

Okay hold that thought because suddenly the world is conspiring against me again… Just right now, the radio of the stall next to my table is pumping out "Crush" by David Archuleta. Wow, real nice… Just the feeling I needed to recall this little sing along shindig that lead to my sort of confession.

So here's what happened.

* * *

The week after Regionals was pretty much filled with confusion and nervousness for me. My mind was on a constant debate with itself whether I should go through with Johnny's suggestion or not. I even made a Pros and Cons table if I did voice out my feelings for him. I don't remember all the things that I listed out there but the short version pretty much says that if I did it, then at least the emotional burden will be lifted out but the downside is it could strain our friendship. Classic I've fallen for my best friend scenario. My life is a freaking trope category… how sad.

But even if I haven't decided yet whether I was going to do it or not, I still found myself practicing "Falling For You". And one of the lines from that song really struck me hard in those weeks of confusion. That line was "I am trying not to tell you but I want to. I'm scared of what you'll say so I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head". It's so perfect, right? It's like Colbie wrote it specifically for me. Sigh, remembering this kinda stirs up my emotion pot.

Anyway… there was one time that I was mindlessly humming that song in French class when our teacher wasn't around yet. And Kurt, who was my seat mate, heard it and gave me this weird, almost judging look. Good thing Ms. Whalen already entered our classroom before Kurt could interrogate me. But of course, just like Johnny, he'll get his way with me in the soonest available period which was lunch time… right after our class. Perfect…

When we were walking out of the door, Kurt asked me to walk with him back to the dorm rooms. This annoyed me because I was hungry that day and I always grabbed lunch first before heading out to the dorms. When we were alone in the hallway, Kurt asked me why I was humming along to that song, as if he still didn't know the answer. I told him about the not so well processed plan, from the singing to the confession and Kurt immediately went offensive. And the great Hummel-Duval debate officially started.

His opening argument was rhetorically asking me if I didn't learn anything from the "GAP incident". Now let me explain the GAP Incident first. Basically it happened during Valentine's season of this year. Blaine had this little crush on one of the staff of the nearby GAP named Jeremy or something, I don't really remember. Anyway, Blaine asked the Warblers if we could serenade the guy and well, we agreed. So one day, we were in the GAP store when we broke out into a flash mob performance of Robin Thicke's "When I Get You Alone". It was well received by the customers but the manager did not share the enthusiasm and he ended up firing the guy. And Jeremiah (yeah I'm positive now that his name is Jeremiah) rejected Blaine after that. So Kurt looks like the one winning the argument, right? Wrong!

The big difference between Jeff and I and Blaine and Jeremiah is that Jeff and I are friends so I doubt that he'd run away from me and move to another state. That's what I countered but Kurt rebutted if I thought that confessing to Jeff would actually mean that we will get together after it. I told him why not because he did it too with Blaine and they got together eventually; not immediately but eventually.

And that is the part where Kurt got a tad squeaky (well squeakier than usual). He told me that his and Blaine's scenario was different because Blaine is 100% gay, not like Jeff who is straight. This irritated the hell out of me and my anger started flaring. I told Kurt that he didn't really know if Jeff was straight, heck, I didn't even know till recently that I could be into guys so maybe Jeff didn't really care either. It annoyed me that Kurt was bracketing people again. Out of spite, I made him recall that even Blaine second-doubted his sexuality once and I knew that I had struck a nerve. Kurt particularly hated that because not only did he look up to Blaine for his confidence in being gay but his second take on being straight (or bi) was with Kurt's friend Rachel. Yeah, the same person who sang lead at the Regionals I told you about. Kurt was beyond pissed off that moment and he finally gave up and told me to live my life in whatever way I saw fit but he also told me that I was just setting myself up to a whole lot of pain and heartache. After that, he stormed out towards the dorms while I went to the cafeteria. The funny thing is this explosive encounter with Kurt was what solidified my wanting to do Johnny's suggestion. Because if there's one thing I really hate, it's people telling me that I'm wrong and I'll just mess up my life. It reminds me too much of my hot shot father with his big position in his stupid company and his ideas that I'm wasting my life pursuing silly artistic dreams.

When I arrived at the cafeteria, I realized that I lost all of my appetite. As much as Kurt annoyed the hell out of me that time, it still made me guilty that I yelled at him and said things to piss him off. Guilt doesn't really match the atmosphere of eating. I skipped lunch and headed to the library instead since I knew Johnny was going to be there. I spotted him quickly and immediately told him that I was going to do his suggestion. Suddenly, out of the blue, Jeff popped out behind me carrying a trigonometry book. And of course he asked me what suggestion I was talking about… I was too stunned to even think of making up a random suggestion. Good thing Johnny's a fast thinker and he thought of some random thing he suggested. If I remember correctly, it was that I should learn the C++ computer language. Jeff seemed satisfied with the very lame excuse so we (well more of I) were safe. I sat with them since I had nothing to do anyway. I couldn't head back the dorms yet since I didn't want to have an encounter with Kurt anytime soon. But just to reassure you, we did patch up the day after that but I wouldn't go into details about it anymore.

Anyway, my presence actually served something that day because Jeffers needed some help with his math homework. I may fancy performing but I still have some bearings with regards to Math and Sciences. I helped him out and I really feel happy that I captured his full attention again. And Johnny kept on pushing that I was extremely blushing every time we finished doing a problem since Jeff always complimented me and called me a genius after each problem. But hey, who wouldn't blush if their crush complimented them? We finished his homework with plenty of time to spare in our lunch break so we headed back to our dorms to gather the things we needed for our afternoon classes. Johnny opted to stay since he already had his things with him. Jeff and I just chatted away till we had to separate for our respective dorm wings. It really feels awesome when you're talking to the person you like and it's just the two of you. Gosh, I feel so mushy now.

Now let's fast forward a bit to the Friday afternoon of that week. Thad was out on a date with Erika so I had the room all to myself. So I took the opportunity to practice singing "Falling For You". I wanted to make sure that I could perform this song with the best of my abilities. But of course, life has a tendency to throw curve balls at our paths; because while I was singing, Jeff decided to show up in my room unannounced. He was impressed by my voice though my mind didn't really process the compliment since I still had the 'deer caught in the headlights' effect on me. He asked me why I was singing that song and who the lucky 'girl' was and I really had no excuse prepared for this. I just told him a half-truth; that I wanted to pitch a performance of this song to the Warblers for like a random number at Breadstix again or something (we had a mini-concert before at Breadstix during V-day). I asked him why he passed by and he told me that he wanted to ask me if I wanted to head for Coffee Way. Of course I agreed to it not just because it's an opportunity to hang out with Jeff but because, as I said in my very first letter, he tends to voice out problems in our coffee dates.

This time around though, his problem centered on Rose Anne and I was pretty bummed about it. He was basically ranting that it looked like nothing was going on between them. That they only hanged out and talked a lot but there were still no signs of having an actual relationship. Now this could have actually been a lot of good news to me since I could talk him out of his feelings for Rosie. I could say things like 'she's just toying with you' or 'that's the classic sign of the friend zone' but I chose not to. Why I did that, well it's because I didn't want to manipulate him into looking into my direction. If I wanted to be with Jeff then I'm going to be noble about it. But maybe I was too noble because I reassured Jeff that things still might work out if he gave it more time. That Rose Anne might be close to making a decision about it. He brightened up after my little pep talk but I felt hollow inside because of it. But I disregarded that feeling because I was doing the right thing and Jeff looked happy because of it. And if he's happy then I'm happy. Gosh, again with my mushiness…

We arrived at Coffee Way and apparently it was karaoke night. There were a couple of regulars that I recognized from my frequent visits who took turns singing on that stage. When Niq saw me and Jeff in our usual table, she pleaded that we sing at least one song a piece. Jeff gave in first and before you knew it, he was singing and dancing along to Justin Timberlake's "My Love"; one of the songs he auditioned for Sectionals. Some customers were singing along with him and Niq kept making these weird glances at me. And they pretty much implied that I was enjoying the performance more than a friend should. But who could really blame me? Jeff singing along to one of JT's most suave love songs really amazed me. When he was done, a couple took the mike from him and he went back to our table. At least I was safe from singing so far but, you've guessed it, life threw another annoying sign at me through song. Because the couple that replaced Jeff started singing "Lucky" by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat. What are the odds? But that's not the weirdest part because Jeff started to sing along with them. And yes, I don't care how mushy I sound right now but I have to say that I really felt like melting that moment. It was a mind overload hearing Jeff sing this love song about best friends actually finding love with each other and every time he glanced at me, I felt a massive blush creeping up my cheeks. I couldn't take it so I headed to the washroom to get my mind in order.

When I came out, Niq was there and she teased me that I was highly affected by the song. I told her to just shut up and return to her job (playfully of course). When I got back, Jeff told me that I should sing next (after the couple) and that I should sing "Falling For You". I wanted to back out of it but I already promised Niq that I was going to sing a song and Jeff really was pushing me to do it so I gave in to their demand. Walking towards that microphone and waiting for the music to kick in was probably the longest minute of my life. That was it, the moment I sang my heart out to Jeff.

I was looking at Jeff as I started singing and he flashed me a grin and a big thumbs up. I closed my eyes as I reached my favorite part of the song and I poured all my emotions into the lyrics. "I am trying not to tell you but I want to. I'm scared of what you'll say so I'm hiding what I'm feeling but I'm tired of holding this inside my head".

I opened my eyes and saw Jeff looking straight at me, smiling and I really felt so happy as I started singing the chorus. But just when I thought that things were finally looking up my way, the café's door opened up and in comes Rose Anne and a couple of friends of hers. Jeff saw them and he immediately waved at Rose Anne. The three girls approached Jeff and they sat at our table. I still kept singing the song throughout that whole scene but my voice lost the emotional luster it had a few seconds ago. The two other girls made their way to another booth leaving Jeff and Rosie at our table. They were talking and laughing and I knew that I was ignored, forgotten by the one I was singing to. When the song was done and the people applauded, I went back to the table and told Jeff that I was heading back to Dalton. He just said okay and a small compliment on my singing before turning back to Rose Anne. I left the establishment and I ran back to Dalton and all the way, I was crying because well, Kurt was right. I was just setting myself up to a ton of pain and heartache.

* * *

So yeah, I was 'rejected'. But don't worry, that's still not the end of my little escapade about confessing because well, I just sang the song. I'll tell you all about it next time though because Niq has already been here for like ten minutes now. I told her I'll just finish with the song and then we could proceed with our shopping. So I guess this is goodbye for now Jackie. And congratulate me because I have kept this letter stain-free even though I was writing in a Food Court!

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Just to explain the shortness of this entry, this is actually not a letter but a postcard Nick has sent me during his holiday vacation. I just typed it in for the sense of completion.

* * *

Postcard # 1

Happy Holidays Jackie! I'm in Quebec right now (that's in Canada!) for our annual family skiing trip here at Chateau Mont-Tremblant. It's awesome since I can actually use some of the things I learned in French class here. But what makes this trip more awesomer than ever (yes I intentionally did that) is that Jeff and his family are also here. It took some convincing but Jeff and I successfully convinced (borderline manipulated) the Sterlings to join our holiday trip. So yeah, couldn't have asked for a better holiday.

The presents I received this year are awesome too! And yes, I'm over killing the use of the word awesome but it really is that awesome! Dad bought me some new headphones for my iPod. Mom gave me an authentic Mockingjay pin which I will proudly wear at the Hunger Games movie premiere. But the best and probably the funniest gift was Jeff's, which was a copy the game Dead or Alive: Dimensions. What's so funny with the game, you ask? It's actually a cute little inside joke for the Warblers. You see, there's a character in that game called Jann Lee and the voice actor freaking sounds like Blaine; down to the smallest grunt. We always laughed out loud whenever someone played this game in their 3DS and they always chose Jann Lee as their opponent. It's nothing against Blaine. It's just funny to hear him grunt and moan and get pummeled by punches. Hahaha. If you've always wanted to know what Blaine voice sounds like, you should search some clippings of Jann Lee's character in Youtube or something.

Anyway, we're off for another run down the slope. I'll write my next letter after this trip! Enjoy the holidays Jackie!

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Sorry for the delay in transcribing the letter. This particular letter was written in a very shabby handwriting so it took me a while to re-decipher it.

* * *

Letter # 7

Happy 2012 Jackie! So according to the Mayans, we're now living at our last year, right? Well then, I better finish my little story telling therapy here so that'd I'd feel relieved before the world ends. Hahaha.

And pardon my excessively ugly handwriting for this letter. I'm writing with my right hand today since I injured my left hand in the ski trip (yes I am left handed but I'm kinda ambidextrous… well you be the judge with my handwriting). And in case you're concerned, it was nothing major. I don't need a cast now but it still hurts when I use it too much.

Anyway, I ended last time with that little tear jerking rejection, right? Well here are the scenes that followed.

* * *

When I finally reached Dalton, I went to the nearest washroom to compose myself and try to reduce the teary-eyed look I was sporting. When that went to no avail, I just dashed back to my dorm room hoping that no one I know would see me in that state I was in. But of course, with the luck I was having that night, someone I know saw me but I didn't see them. Yes it's a "them" so you can now make a sort of accurate guess on who saw me. I'll get to that later since I want this to flow in chronological order.

While I walked towards my dorm room, I searched my pockets for my dorm keys and that's when I realized that I left it by my desk when I hastily left my room. So I was locked out of my room with my face looking like the aftermath of watching Deathly Hallows part 2 while my best friend who somewhat rejected me that night was out flirting with the girl he likes. Fan-freaking-tastic!

I texted Thad and told him about my little dorm room predicament and asked him what time he'll be back. He replied that he was going to be back before curfew which loosely translated to an hour after curfew. So I had no choice but to go with plan B which was crashing at Johnny's dorm. Now I think you're now wondering why I'm always with the sophomores rather than my junior batch mates. Well the reason behind there is that my group of friends here in Dalton really just scope the whole Warbler troop. And there are only a few people from my batch that became members, namely: Me, Thad, David, Flint, Kurt and Trent. Don't get me wrong, I love all those guys in a completely platonic way but I'm just more comfortable hanging out with Johnny and Jeff. I texted Johnny if it was okay to crash at his dorm room for a while and he replied that the door was wide open.

So up next are a series of awkward conversations that I had with people from Dalton. To be specific, we have Johnny, Thad, Klaine, and the grand finale, Jeff. I don't recall all the things we discussed but I'll write down the core messages that those conversations brought. Now let's start with Johnny.

When I arrived at his dorm room, he immediately asked me what the problem was. He said it was obvious that something was up since I was already back at Dalton while Jeff wasn't. I made a sarcastic comment about how my bloodshot eyes weren't the obvious clue. He noticed how upset I was so he got up from his bed and hugged me. It felt weird to be hugged since I'm used to being the hugger not the hug-ee. I actually have this cute little reputation with the Warblers for being a cuddle whore since I hug people a lot. He asked me if I was starting to feel less upset and I just nodded. He broke the hug and went back to his bed to turn off his laptop. Important thing to note: He turned off his laptop. Hahaha.

He asked me to sit on his bed and tell him what happened. I told him everything, from the karaoke night to the couple singing "Lucky" to my early departure because of Rose Anne's arrival. We were silent for some time after my rant but he broke it when he apologized to me. I was confused why he was apologizing since the one that I really wanted to punch that time was Jeff. He made it clear by telling me that it was his fault because it was his suggestion that brought this whole drama into my life. I told him that he had no fault whatsoever and if we ever played that blame train logic of his then everyone had a fault in the mess. I made a joke after that about today being some weird reverse day since Johnny was the one giving hugs while I was the one that became more logical in a conversation with him. We talked more after that but more or less they were out of the topic at hand just to release the tension. We stopped talking when both our phones simultaneously beeped. Mine received a text from Thaddeus saying that he was on his way while Johnny received a text from Jeff saying that he didn't have his keys so don't lock the door. I told Johnny that I should go since I didn't feel like seeing Jeff after the whole debacle. He asked me if it was okay for him to talk to Jeff about this and I firmly said no. But of course, Johnny didn't follow that, but more on that later.

The next conversation I had that night was with Thad. Of course he would ask questions like why I left my keys in our room and why my eyes were puffy. He finally arrived at our room after an eternity of waiting for him by the hallway (in reality, it was probably just twenty minutes but when you're down and glum as I was that day, everything just felt so agonizing). My plan for that night was to hit the shower as soon as possible then sleep everything off so Thad wouldn't have a chance to interrogate me. I got phase one of my plan nice and easy but I didn't expect Thad to start asking questions while I was still showering. He asked me what happened and I just told him that it was nothing to worry about. Of course he didn't believe the crap I was telling him so he asked me again what the problem was. I just ignored him and that became the second flaw to my plan. When I tried to open the bathroom's door, I found it locked by a chair by Thad. He told me that he wasn't going to let me out unless I told him why I looked like a kid who just lost his pet puppy. I faked being exasperated and told him that I'd tell him if he let me out so he did. Yes, Thad is VERY gullible and I love using that to my advantage. I went directly to my bed and buried my head in the pillows, ignoring Thad's whining.

But Thad wasn't finished with me and being my roommate, he knows one of my terrible weaknesses: I was heavily ticklish… He tickled me out of the bed and still kept on pestering me to tell him what happened. I finally gave in but hey, I put up a fight so I'm no push over. I told him a spark notes version of what happened from the very beginning and that involved telling him my feelings for Jeff. I watched his expression as I told him the story. Now I know that Thad is no way near homophobic but you never really know, maybe he's not the comfortable rooming with a guy like me. But thank God, he wasn't. He understood my situation. Heck, he even called Jeff an oblivious jerk for not getting the meaning behind the song. The funny thing is, while Thad mocked Jeff and called him other names I'd rather not mention for the PG value of this letter, I found myself silently countering all of his statements. I still defended Jeff in my mind even though he really was kind of a douche to me that time. When midnight struck, I told Thad that we could continue talking about this tomorrow (err later morning) because I was already tired from all of the drama and crying and shitty things that happened to me that day. He agreed and he gave me a hug after that (my second hug for that day that I didn't initiate, must be a new record). He finally climbed up to his bunk and not long before that, he was snoring like an ox. So that ends conversation #2.

So next up is my talk with Kurt and Blaine, the duo who saw me crying as I made my way back to my room. But something to note before I delve into that conversation, remember when I told you that I sometimes had this recurring dream that involved Jeff? Well, I had that dream that night and the dream progressed from the last time I had it. That time around, I fully acknowledged that Jeff was in that dream and that I was calling out for him, trying to get his attention. But yeah, more of that some other time; it will be better for me to tell you the full story of that dream when I start telling you about this Warbler sleepover thing that happened last year.

Anyway, back to Kurt and Blaine. The morning after, I woke up due to a text message from Kurt saying "Meet us at Lima Bean around nine-ish". That's the exact message Kurt sent me since I still have it saved on my phone. I asked Kurt why and he just replied that it was important so I just went along with it. Thad was still dead to the world since he had the luxury to do so. You see, Thad stays at Dalton for the whole year since both his parents work outside the country. I, on the other hand, go home every weekend because my mom wants me to. I could actually go home as early as Friday night just like what Kurt and Blaine do but my mom works during Saturdays so there's no point going there earlier. And another benefit of going home on Saturdays is that Jeff can tag along with me on my drive home (as long as he doesn't bring his own car) since we sort of have the same route.

I had a quick shower before leaving Dalton for Lima Bean (Klaine's favorite coffee place). I arrived a few minutes before nine so I ordered some pastries with my coffee as I waited for the couple. Apparently their definition of nine-ish was a couple minutes before ten so in the process of waiting for them that day, I had consumed a sandwich, a donut, two types of pastries and my second cup of coffee. Blaine apologized for their tardiness and told me that the reason behind it was that Kurt made him change his outfit thrice before they left his house. It was quite amusing and even cute to see the two of them bicker lightly in front of me. They were going back and forth about which bowtie matched which pants and why Blaine should use some bronzer from time to time.

When they finally realized that I existed in the table again, Kurt immediately asked me how I was holding up. I was bewildered because I didn't know that they saw me crying yesterday. I only knew when Blaine clarified it. I asked them how and where they saw me since most of the passage ways back to my room were hallways so I'd see them if they saw me. Kurt just made this nerdy little comment that the two of them were just like Fred and George with the Marauder's Map. I replied with my own witty comeback that that was true if the Weasley twins were into Twincest and I could see the two of them blushing madly. So that was probably the reason why I didn't see them, they were cleverly hidden since they were making out, figures.

Kurt immediately broke the very awkward and embarrassing tension after that by turning the conversation back at me. I just told them that I didn't want to talk about it since I was already tired repeating the same stupid story over and over again (don't worry; I wasn't frustrated in repeating the story for you Jackie). They respected my decision but still asked if I was okay and Blaine even asked me if I wanted him to beat up Jeff. Now you might find that funny since I told you that Blaine was pretty much a hobbit but you'd be surprised. Blaine's actually quite an athlete and boxing is probably one of his best sports along with fencing so yeah, he's someone you don't want to mess with. I told them that I was alright and that no one was in need of being turned into a bloody pulp. I reassured them that I would take care of my own mess in my own time and that I just want this day to be stress and tears free. The latter will obviously be proven wrong since I will have a talk with Jeff (courtesy of the meddlesome Johnny) after this coffee run with Klaine. I took charge of the flow of the conversation from that point onwards and soon enough, I was having a good time. We talked about a lot of geeky things from Harry Potter to the Ninja Saga Facebook game. I even found out where Kurt and Blaine were when they saw me and seriously, Janitor's closets are so cliché… We ended our little geek-out session before noon since Kurt and Blaine were expected for lunch at the Hudson-Hummel household. Hahaha, try saying that phrase ten times. It's like a tongue twister. Anyway, before we parted, I gave them both a hug and thanked them for their concern. It really touched me how much these people had my back. Sure, Thad can be a pain in the ass as a roommate and Kurt can be a tad too bitchy and moody and Blaine tends to hog all the solos and Johnny, well, he has his own quirks but yeah, wait what was my train of thought again? Oh yeah, they may not be the most perfect people in the world but at the end of the day, they'll still be there for me. It really is safe to assume that they are family. Of course Jeff is also part of the family but he's kind of the black sheep in this little scenario. But anyway, moving on…

Here's the part that you're obviously waiting for, the confrontation with Joseph Sterling. But annoyingly, my hand hurts right now so I'll just tell you all about it in my next letter…

* * *

I'm just kidding! Hahaha. I'm not that mean to leave a cliffhanger like that. That's like cutting out the yes or no answer after a proposal or blacking out the screen after an intense car crash.

So yes… back on Jeffers. When I got back to Dalton, I immediately packed all of the stuff that I needed to bring home for the weekend (which more or less meant laundry). That's when I got a text from Jeff asking if he can catch a ride with me. I asked Thad what he thought I should do because I was seriously torn. I didn't really want to see Jeff yet that time but I also couldn't turn him down. A taxi ride from here to his house would be ferociously expensive. Thad sharply told me that I should do the right thing because abandoning Jeff for my reason (even if it had some logic behind it) was still a very stupid thing to do. That's actually something I admire from Thad. Whenever he and Erika have a fight, he'll still be noble and kind towards her, no matter the degree of their transgressions. That's probably the reason why they're staying strong.

I replied to Jeff's text and told him to meet up at my car in half an hour. I finished my packing earlier than what I expected so I headed out early, deciding on just waiting for Jeff at the car. Thad flashed me a thumbs up as I left the room, clearly showing his support. When I reached the parking lot, I saw that Jeff was already by my car, waiting for me. I asked him why he was early and he told me that he was already prepared when he texted me. He was smiling at me the whole time and it annoyed and made me happy at the same time… Screw him and that smile of his. Why is it so damn hard to be angry towards the person you love?

I started the car and soon enough, we were driving down the road towards Paulding. Jeff tried to make some small conversations but I tried to end it as soon as there was an opening to drop the conversation. I knew that I was making the whole drive quite tense but just being near him was already screwing with my emotions that time so talking to him would just intensify the problem. When I stopped the car for a red light, Jeff suddenly faced me and asked if I was mad at him. I asked him what gave him that idea in the flattest way possible and he started enumerating the answers. The fact that I dropped all the conversations he tried to start, the fact that I didn't look at him the entire drive (even on the red lights), the fact that I was pretty cold towards him and the annoying fact that Johnny gave him a sort of clue about it. I told him that it was nothing to worry about but my tone was so unconvincing that even I didn't believe it. He told me that I was obviously upset with him and that he was sorry but he wanted to know why I was angry with him. The green light flashed and I drove away, ignoring his inquiry. But of course he was persistent. Now, to make this conversation easier for me and you, I won't write this one in paragraph form. As I said earlier, I don't remember the exact things we said so this is like the rough draft of what happened in that encounter.

Jeff: C'mon Nick, talk to me. I'm really sorry for what I did but I can only be completely sorry if I knew what I did in the first place. What did I do wrong last night? (I still ignored him) Nick… please talk to me…

Me: Okay, I'm talking, happy?

Jeff: Oh c'mon Nick! Don't go all sarcastic on me now, please... (I just stayed silent). Fine, if you don't want to talk to me right now then just pull over so I can get out. Because obviously, I'm just making your day a lot worse

Me: Just to be clear, I'm dropping you off in your house. Nothing's going to change that, okay? And fine, I am freaking pissed at you but I can't tell you why. Just give me some time and I'll forget about it, okay?

Jeff: No Nick. I mean, you can't just forget about it without telling me. You of all people should know that. You're the one that told me that I should always open up to my problems. That's why I always tell you what's bothering me whenever we go to our coffee runs. Now it's your turn. Talk to me Nick.

Me: Fine, you really want to know? I like you Jeff. And I mean that as more than a friend. The song I sang last night? That was for you. That song freaking summarized what I've been feeling for quite some time now. I've always wanted to tell you ever since I figured it out but I was scared. I was scared that you would hate me or just forget that I ever existed. But yeah, I still needed to tell you because it was killing me. In fact, it's still killing me right now. So I thought that maybe it'd be better to sing it to you. So I did. Singing that song to you Jeff yesterday was one of the best feelings I've ever had; because I really have fallen for you Jeff. I meant every lyric of that song. But of course, it completely meant nothing to you…; because you already have Rose Anne… So there you have it Jeff. That's my problem. Anything you have to say for yourself?

(Jeff remained silent and stunned)

Me: See? That's why I didn't want to talk about it. Now you freaking hate me, damn it! (I bonked the car horn and if it wasn't obvious, I was already crying).

Jeff: Nick, calm down. I don't hate you. I could never hate you dude. Only a complete idiot will throw away a friendship just because of that.

Me: Thanks… but?

Jeff: But what?

Me: There's obviously a 'but' in what you said, so what is it? Just tell me now, Jeff. I can take it.

Jeff: I love you Nick but, I'm really sorry because… well…. yeah… You're like that awesome big brother I never had. And you really are important to me Nick. But yeah…

So yeah, I think I'd rather resume the next parts in paragraph form now… Wow, I'm actually pretty teary-eyed after writing that. The emotions, whoa… So there you go Jackie. I was now officially rejected. But not only was I friend-zoned. No, I was also bro-zoned, how lovely…

Sigh…

But hey, my little story with Jeff's not over yet. This is just like the first arc. There are still plenty of things that I have to tell you. A little teaser for you, I had my first kiss last year. Oh, and so did Jeff. So just put the pieces together.

Well, that's all for now Jackie. Again I apologize for my ugly handwriting and thanks for bearing with it. I hope you liked my little fake cliffhanger~

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	9. Chapter 9

AN: This particular letter of Nick had some lyrics of some songs strewn together with some of the paragraphs. To decrease confusion, I edited the letter a bit by partitioning his paragraphs and separating the lyrics out of them. I also italicized it for good measure.

* * *

Letter # 8

What's up Jackie? Hopefully you're having a nice year so far. I'm stumped with school work right now but my brain is begging for a break so I decided to write to you, just to relieve some stress. Being a senior is tough… But damn, it's not the workload that's killing me, it's the future. Right now, I'm still waiting for my acceptance letters for the universities that I applied to. I'm hoping and praying that I get NYU because that's my dream university. Thad also applied there under the dentistry program so I have someone who is equally anxious and paranoid with me.

Back when I was a junior, I thought I had my future pretty much planned. It's either I pursue writing so that one day I can produce my own Broadway masterpiece or publish an epic book series like J.K. Rowling or I continue my performing arts. But now, it all seems so complicated even though those dreams haven't changed. The future sucks…

Sorry, kinda in a funk right now because of all of this stuff. But hey, what's the best way to channel all of these depressing thoughts? Writing about it! (Cue the enthusiastic applause) But yeah, since the events that followed my letter kinda placed me in a funk as well, maybe this really is the right time to write about it… My past sucks, my present sucks because my future kinda sucks… So pretty much life sucks…

Anyway, I think I really rushed the last part of my last letter. Sorry 'bout that, I really just, you know, can't express all of those feelings and thoughts in one go. I really felt a bit emotionally heavy after writing that so I decided to cut it off at that point. So yeah, to make up for it, I'll continue it right now. (Cue that weird harp sound they use for flashbacks in dramas)

* * *

I pulled over after Jeff politely rejected me. Jeff thought that I was going to kick him out of my car but I stopped him before he tried to open his door. I told him that I just pulled over because it's hazardous to drive in my current state (my current state at that time was devastated and shattered with tears flowing out like Niagara Falls). He kept on apologizing and trying to comfort me but that only made me feel worse. It hurt because he cared about me a lot and yes, he loves me but it just won't transcend to the next level… the same unfortunate level that I was in. It even annoyed me how physically close we were at that moment. Here I was, sitting side by side with the person I like, and I was also the center of his attention. On any given day, that would have made me happy… And it annoyed me so much that I could practically kiss him if I wanted to, heck, I wanted to but I didn't do it. I couldn't do it because it just seemed like a bad idea. That was pretty much the reason why I really needed to pull over. Because my brain was going at light speed thinking about different scenarios and consequences of each action I could take.

One of the thoughts that circulated around my head that time was that if I kissed him, maybe he'd see sense and well, pick me. But of course, that could just ruin everything. He'd probably think that I was taking advantage of him and then he'd hate me for it… Another thought was that I would really kick him out of the car and even forget his existence starting that moment. I'd forget all about Joseph Sterling and how he made my life so freaking complicated. Since he caused the problem to begin with, maybe taking him out of my life would remove the problem as well. That was the logic that was almost winning over me at that moment. Because it really made sense for a person who was emotionally hurting. But yeah, I didn't do it… yet…

All of my thought ranting ceased when I felt Jeff scoot towards me. And then he enveloped me in a hug and you might as well just place a bomb inside of me because it really was too much to handle. I broke off the hug and got out of the car and just ran away. I just wanted to get away from him to think things through because I couldn't sort my feelings properly with him so close like that.

He tried to follow me (obviously) but I told him to stay in the car and guard it and that I'll be back soon. He protested but I wouldn't budge. I gave him my sternest death glare which was very easy to do at that moment and he eventually backed off and gave in. I walked away with no idea where I was headed. All I knew was that I needed to think and think a lot. This is one of my weirdest habits. I really think much better when I'm walking or pacing. Somehow, the steady movement relaxes me enough to concentrate on my thoughts. In fact, whenever I get stuck in what I'm supposed to write in this letters, I always stand up and pace around my room or something, to help those creative juices flow better.

I started asking myself a lot of questions to sort out my emotions. Do I like Jeff? Yes. Do I hate Jeff? No. Do I hate his answer? Yes or maybe no… Why do I even like Jeff in the first place? It's almost unexplainable. He pretty much gets me for who I am. He's caring and funny, pretty naïve, always adorkable. He's geeky like me and he's generally a fun person to be with. He makes me laugh and smile a lot and I do that to him as well. He's my best friend and I really love him. What makes him more than my best friend? I don't really know. It's just that I see him more than just that now. I see him as someone I really want to be with. I want to be with Jeff and it's just really hard to explain. I always want to hug him and cuddle with him. I want to hold his hands and yeah, I sorta want to kiss him too. I want to always be with him especially when he needs someone to lean on or vice versa. Can I settle with just being with his best friend? Yes…? No? Maybe… I don't really know... Do I love Joseph Sterling? Yes…

I went on and on as if I was placing myself in the weirdest job interview ever. But it really did help me sort my feelings out properly. In a matter of minutes, I had composed myself enough to face Jeff again and I already knew what I was going to tell him. I made my way back to the car (thank God for my great sense of direction), texting Jeff beforehand that I was on my way. I stopped by a small bakeshop since I saw that they had these amazing looking chocolate cupcakes on display. By the smell of the pastry I knew immediately that they used some fancy dark chocolate on them so I bought some right away. Actually, I'm more of a white chocolate kind of guy but Jeff adores dark chocolate so yeah…

I got back at the car and saw that Jeff had his window down and that he was singing lightly along to the song on the radio. That song was "Two is better than one" by Boys like Girls ft. Taylor Swift. I just leaned on the car and listened to him (he still didn't notice my presence) and he sounded beautiful.

_There's so much time to figure out the rest of our lives but you already got me coming undone… And I'm thinking two is better than one._

My mind was already melting as I imagined him actually singing that song for me. Heck, maybe he really was singing it for me… A guy can dream, right? I finally made my presence known and he opened the door for me. I gave him the cupcakes and he shyly said thanks. He asked me if I was okay and I nodded. He was about to speak again when I hushed him and told him to eat up first and that we'd talk later. He agreed a bit apprehensively but when he saw the cupcakes, he followed my demands happily. Things felt normal again. I was steadily driving with the radio playing at just the right volume while Jeff was munching away at the shotgun seat, leaving crumbs on the floor that I had to clean off. At several points of the drive, Jeff actually leaned towards me to make me eat some of the cupcakes. Given the things that just happened (and will happen) this scene really looks too suggestive and too bromantic but yeah… we really are like this normally… And besides, I could never resist those cupcakes after I tasted Nutella on them.

The drive back home felt more and more relaxed. We were even jamming along to the random songs that played in the radio. We were a few minutes away from Jeff's neighborhood when a new song played through the radio. "Hate that I Love you" by Rihanna and Ne-Yo. It wasn't like the last few songs that we were singing along to. Those were random party/rock songs. This is well, obviously a love song but I still felt compelled to sing along to it. And I did.

_And I can't stand you. Must everything you do make me wanna smile? Can I not like you for a while?_

To my surprise, Jeff followed through and sang the next part, Ne-yo's part.

_But you won't let me. You upset me girl and then you kiss my lips. All of a sudden I forget that I was upset. Can't remember what you did._

And soon enough, we were exchanging the lyrics to this song, this beautiful love song.

_But I hate it...You know exactly what to do so that I can't stay mad at you for too long. That's wrong_

_But I hate it... You know exactly how to touch so that I don't want to fuss and fight no more. Said I despise that I adore you_

The chorus kicked in, it was Rihanna's turn and I sang it out. I didn't even bother changing the lyrics because it was already perfect… Because I really meant it for Jeff.

_And I hate how much I love you boy. I can't stand how much I need you. And I hate how much I love you boy. But I just can't let you go and I hate that I love you so._

I kept glancing at him and I knew that that was unwise but we were pretty much in the suburbs already so traffic was virtually non-existent. So the risk was kinda worth it…

_You completely know the power that you have. The only one that makes me laugh._

He was smiling as he sang those lyrics and I still couldn't believe that we were singing this song.

_Said it's not fair. How you take advantage of the fact that I love you beyond the reason why. And it just ain't right._

_And I hate how much I love you girl. I can't stand how much I need you. And I hate how much I love you girl. But I just can't let you go and I hate that I love you so._

We continued singing the song in perfect harmony. It was beautiful but confusing at the same time. When the song was done, we were casually parked in front of his house and we were facing one another. We were in perfect kissing distance, all we had to do was lean in for it. And there was this small voice inside of my head that popped in and told me to freaking kiss him already. You know what I did? I leaned away and brought my gaze back up front. I ran my hands through my hair for comfort before turning back to him again and telling him what I came up with on my walk. I gave him a weird ultimatum of some sort. I wanted him to look me in the eye and say in front of my face that I have no chance of being with him in a romantic way. I explained to him that once he did that, I'd respectfully drop my case and treat him as just my best friend again. You know what he did? He looked away because he couldn't say it. He couldn't tell me that I didn't have a chance. I asked him why he couldn't do it because I was confused as well. I felt like that was really just a simple thing to do. I was giving him the easy option out of this situation and he wouldn't take it. He told me that he just couldn't say it. He told me that he loves me but just not that way but that he couldn't say it because he was confused. So that's what happened to us that moment; two best friends who were completely confused by what was happening to them. He asked me if it was okay that we discussed this some other time and I nodded. I didn't want to strain him too much and well, I'm also too emotionally strained to continue more of this charade. He leaned in and hugged me again and then he went out of the car and started walking towards his house. I drove away the moment he opened the front door.

It was more or less an hour drive before I arrive at my house due to traffic and stuff so I used that time to really just think of stuff. I tried to keep myself as minimally distracted as possible but the thoughts just really kept on flooding. The radio wasn't helping since the show that was on that time was blasting out love songs one after the other. Of course most of them didn't hit home since there is a wide coverage of love songs that vary in stories to tell. But there's always an occasional song that triggered some sort of emotional response from me. The gravest one from that hour that I remember was the song "If we were a Movie" by Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus or whoever she was when she sang that song. I don't really like her as an artist, in fact, aside from that song; the only song that I like from her is "The Climb". And I even preferred Ahmir's cover of it.

Anyway, when that song played on the radio, I basically passed it of as another song since the first verse was pretty much nothing special. But when the chorus kicked in, I was immediately drawn to listen properly to the song. I didn't know the lyrics to the song that time so I didn't sing along to it so all I really did was carefully listen to this song that somehow captured what I felt and what I hoped for.

_If we were a movie, you'd be the right guy. And I'd be the best friend that you fall in love with. In the end we'd be laughing, watching the sunset. Fade to black, show the names, play the happy song, yeah_

And if the chorus wasn't enough, the second verse seriously stung me directly through the heart. Because it perfectly captured how I felt whenever Jeff talked about Rose Anne…

_Yeah, yeah when you call me I can hear it in your voice. Oh sure! Wanna see me and tell me all about her  
La la, I'll be acting through my tears. Guess you'll never know that I should win an Oscar for the scene I'm in._

The chorus repeated and I was humming along to it, since I already captured the tune. The third verse kicked in and I t had the same impact as the last one…

_Wish I could tell you there's a twist, some kind of hero in disguise. And we're together; it's for real, now playing. Wish I could tell you there's a kiss like something more than in my mind. I see it could be amazing…_

The chorus kept on repeating after that and soon enough, I was already singing it. And tears flowed out again when I finally realized the true meaning of the song. That that beautiful scenario of Jeff being with me is really something that only happens on movies. I could picture it in my mind and it may even be amazing and picture perfect but in the end, it's still fictional. It's all fantasy and it would never really happen in real life. Because my life and the world I walk on with Jeff isn't some fictional romance movie. And yeah, reality will always kick in and he'll be with Rose Anne or some other girl and I will not be with him…

So it really is safe to assume that I was devastated when I got back home. I just greeted my parents that I was home and I immediately locked myself inside my room. I didn't go down for dinner because I didn't feel like it. I just stayed in my bed, moping and crying.

So yeah, depressing isn't it? If I somehow brought you into a funk too Jackie then I'm sorry but yeah, that's just how the world goes. Sigh…

Well, I think I've spent enough of a break already. I gotta say goodbye to my depressing past and focus on the depressing present I'm facing right now (and quite possibly, a depressing future).

Sorry if I sound overly down or whiny today. I'll cheer up soon. I always do anyway. And besides, if Jeff sees me right now, he'll probably make it his personal mission to cheer me up today. Hmmm, actually that's not such a bad idea. Yeah, maybe I'll go find Jeff now first. I could always procrastinate later tonight anyway.

So yeah, that's all for now Jackie. Hopefully you're not as stressed out and depressed as I am.

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Sorry for the delay, I was debating whether I should publish Nick's ninth letter or go directly to his tenth one. I chose to go with the tenth one since the ninth one wasn't relevant to the story. The full content of that letter was basically a rant about Sebastian Smythe and how he "pranked" Blaine which landed the latter into a hospital bed. The letter was very hostile and it contained almost two cuss words per sentence that's why I deemed it to be inappropriate for publishing. I apologize for any discrepancies this caused.

* * *

Letter # 10

So hi there Jackie, sorry about my not so little outburst in my last letter. It's just so infuriating… But yeah, I've calmed down (relatively). Blaine's doing okay now. I mean, he's still in the hospital, resting up after the surgery but at least the damage has been fixed. And Kurt's talking to me again which is just terrific news. I'll actually visit Blaine tomorrow just to see how he's doing. And I also want to apologize to him face to face. Being part of the Warbler's council, I should have had control over the new Warblers (especially that freaking meerkat face…) I know that Blaine already forgave me but still…

Anyway, in other news, something kinda weird happened earlier morning. I still don't know whether I should consider this weird or funny or bizarre or totally mind numbing because it's just so errrrrr. But Blaine and Kurt found this hilarious though and they said that it was completely normal but still… Okay so what am I talking about? Basically, about sixteen hours ago, while Thad and I were preparing for another school day, something really awkward happened. Okay getting to the point now… Thad was in the bathroom while I was at my desk (where I am right now), cramming a stupid homework that I "forgot" to do yesterday; when suddenly, Thad comes out of the bathroom with only boxers on.

Actually, that's not the real problem here since I'm used to it. Heck, I've already seen Thad fully naked twice, once at full frontal. It's sort of a roommate thing… And Thad is still comfortable enough to walk around our room with just boxers on even after I told him that I was attracted to Jeff so yeah… Okay, I'm rambling again… My real point here is that I unknowingly checked him out that morning... I seriously didn't acknowledge that I was checking him out till he made this little teasing comment. To quote him: "liking what you see, Nicky?" I quickly looked away after he said that and I knew that I was blushing severely. I was too embarrassed about it that I even let it slide that he called me Nicky… When Thad saw my reaction, he just said "oh" and he had this confused expression on his face. It was really safe to say that the awkward tension in this room at that time was so great that you could cut it with a spoon. And yes, I really used spoon…

I dashed towards the shower just to reduce the tension in the room and I already brought my clothes with me so I dressed inside. Thad and I still grabbed breakfast together after that and Thad reassured me that it was completely normal; awkward but normal. As much as I was completely thankful that he didn't find it as weird as I did, I was still too shocked and embarrassed with what happened that I barely ate my breakfast. I told Kurt and Blaine what happened and as I told you earlier they just laughed at it (at least I made them laugh after all the drama they've been experiencing). They even made annoying quips like "Nick is finally growing up" and "they'll be getting some roomie action now". But they really did reassure me that it was a normal thing to do. Maybe I really did just freak out because it's the first time I ever checked a guy out (aside from Jeff).

Yeah, sorry for that mild rant (again…). It's really just something I needed to voice out because I really, really, REALLY feel guilty and embarrassed by it. Though yeah… Thad does look good… Gaaah what am I saying? And if you are laughing at my situation right now Jackie, I swear, I'm going to hunt you down for it…

But anyway, that's not the purpose of these letters I write to you. So it's about time I go back to telling you what happened to Jeff and me.

* * *

So backtracking, my weekend at my house was pretty much uneventful since all I did was lock myself in my room, do my homework (I'm not kidding), and think about Jeff. The latter caused me to cry a lot and stare blankly into space (although the homework made me stare blankly into space too). I left home at Monday morning. Usually I'd leave on a Sunday night but I didn't really want to be back at Dalton that time because obviously, I didn't want to see Jeff yet.

I arrived at Dalton just in time for my first class and everything seemed normal. Kurt didn't even notice that I was a bit problematic and uneasy that day so that meant my façade was fully effective. Lunch time came and I was dead nervous because that'd be the first time I saw Jeff again after that debacle. I sat with Kurt at our usual Warblers table and to my relief, Jeff wasn't there.

But of course, I spoke too soon. Jeff suddenly appeared by the entrance of the cafeteria with his mobile phone in hand. Any guesses who he was talking to? If you said his mom then try again. If you said Rose Anne then you deserve a pat in the back. He approached the table and sat right in front of Kurt who was seated next to me that time so I tensed up. I got up and made my way to the washroom to splatter some water onto my face to calm me down like I always do. Yeah, it's a weird habit of mine and I don't even remember when and why I started doing it but it works so I do it.

Anyway, I got back to our table and saw Jeff asking Kurt if he could borrow his phone because his phone's battery died out. Any guesses what for? Of course, to text Rose Anne! Good for you if you got that one right. God, I feel like I'm Dora the Explorer for doing that… I'll stop now. Kurt didn't hand over his phone (he is so freaking possessive of his phone) and told Jeff to just borrow other people's phones, namely me. And because of that particular remark, I found myself looking at Jeff and vice-versa and it was terribly awkward for me (But the thing with Thad earlier today is still more awkward…). To break the tension caused by our weird, impromptu staring match, I took out my phone and handed it to Jeff. Jeff took it from me hesitantly and uttered a small thank you before he started texting. Kurt shot me a 'what did just happen' look and I just rolled my eyes. I didn't want anyone to worry about me anymore with this problem of mine so I decided to not tell anyone about the whole drive with Jeff. Not Kurt, not Blaine, not Johnny, not Niq and certainly not Thad.

When I finished my lunch, I asked Jeff for my phone back so that I could head back to the dorms to fix my things for my afternoon classes. He asked for another minute which I promptly gave but that minute turned into five more minutes and it was starting to get on my nerves. I mean, who wouldn't be agitated in that situation? It was my phone so it should have been my rules. Plus, he was texting Rosie… He was using my phone to text Rosie. How terrible is that? But yeah, I still lent him my phone so it's still technically my fault but still, a little sensitivity from his side wouldn't hurt, right? Right! Oh darn, I did that Dora thing again… Okay to save a little dignity on my part, it's no longer the Dora thing, but the Blue's Clues thing.

Anyway, he eventually gave the phone back to me (thanks to Kurt). And I didn't see Jeff at all for the duration of that day. So the first day wasn't so bad. It wasn't good too but it could be worse, which will happen. But more on that later. And I really mean later, not next letter later.

* * *

Next day came and I woke up on the perfect side of the bed. I was just in a good mood that day and because of that, I decided that I would talk to Jeff about the whole thing. I actually can't remember what exactly I wanted to talk to him about that day. All I can recall was that it was something positive in relation to the last talk we had. Why can't I recall it now you ask? Well, it's because something bigger preoccupied my thoughts that week, but I'll get to that later.

Lunch time came again but this time, Jeff really was nowhere to be found. I texted Jeff and asked him where he was and he replied that he was in the library, cramming for an essay. I went to the library and easily found him near the history books' shelves. I tapped him in the shoulder and he jumped out of surprise. He asked me what's up and I immediately asked him if we could talk later that night, just to sort things out. I could tell that he was quite uncomfortable but he was trying not to show it so I backed away just to give him some personal space. He then told me that he couldn't for that day since he made plans with Rose Anne. I must have looked crestfallen after that because he immediately told me that we could reschedule it to Wednesday night. I agreed quickly, a little too quickly for my regular self; but hey, I was sort of perky/needy that day. I asked Jeff if he needed some help with homework but he told me that he can handle it. That was fine with me since I hate history with a passion. I left him to his own devices and proceeded with my daily routine. Now, if I was more of myself that day, I would have been a tad worried and a bit jealous with Jeff's little date with Rose Anne but I just shrugged it off and focused on the optimistic part. That Jeff and I can talk about it the next day.

But life loves screwing things.

* * *

Wednesday came and again, I didn't see Jeff during lunch break. Usually we had a Warblers' meeting during Wednesdays but Wes texted everyone to take a break for the day so I didn't see Jeff there too. I texted Jeff if we were still on for tonight but I didn't get a reply. I went to his dorm room and I saw the usual, Johnny on his laptop, coding away. I asked him where Jeff went and he told me that he went to Coffee Way not too long ago. I didn't worry about it much since the actual plan was to talk about it in Coffee Way but I assumed that we would go there together. I drove to Coffee Way since I didn't feel like walking without Jeff around.

When I arrived at Coffee Way, I immediately looked around for Jeff but he was nowhere in sight. The first thought that popped in my mind was that he forgot about it… But Johnny still said that he went to Coffee Way so I just thought that he was a little late since he walked form Dalton to Coffee Way. But of course, paranoia still lingered at the back of my mind especially this particular thought: If he was walking from Dalton to Coffee Way then why didn't I see him as I drove? And no, that question is rhetorical. It's not Blue's Clues material.

I waited for Jeff to arrive at Coffee Way. I even sat near the entrance, by the window, so there was no way he couldn't see me as he walked in. Half an hour passed and still there were no sightings of Joseph Sterling. I tried texting and calling him but he never replied nor picked up his phone. Niq wasn't on shift that night so I didn't have someone to comfort me/make me more paranoid than I already was. I even had this thought that maybe Jeff got mugged along the way and that just made me more paranoid and worried. But I still tried to think optimistically. I mean, this is Westerville, Ohio; there's not much crime going on here.

An hour finally passed and whatever blind optimism I had was completely gone. As I returned the pack of playing cards I borrowed from the store (I played Solitaire just to calm me down), I finally saw Jeff outside Coffee Way. But of course there's a twist to that. Any guesses? And yes, this is a Blue's Clues moment. I'll give you a clue; it starts with an 'R'. If you guessed that Rosie's with him, then you are right! You deserve another pat in the back and I deserved a slap in the cheek and Jeff, well he deserved to get punched in the face or kicked in the groin or both. I didn't really care. They didn't go inside Coffee Way though since they were just walking by the sidewalk so I didn't get a chance to go all Ultimate Fighting Champion on Jeff. I wanted to follow them but decided not to. As much as I wanted to hurt Jeff and embarrass him in front of Rose Anne and the other pedestrians that night, I stopped myself because, well, because I couldn't. That's how annoying Jeff is. I really freaking hate and abhor and despise how much I loved the guy.

I made my way to my car and drove back to Dalton and amazingly, I didn't shed a single tear that time. I got back to my dorm and Thad didn't even make a single comment. He had no idea that I was supposed to meet up with Jeff or that I was in a serious emotional pain that time. I just proceeded with my usual actions. Grab a shower, change to my night clothes, cram a bit of homework and then sleep. I didn't even cry myself to sleep. That was a real achievement for me. But that was also the sign that I was really not okay because I couldn't even cry about the pain and betrayal and neglect that I felt.

* * *

The next day, I woke up pretty much devastated. Kurt bugged me all throughout French class about what was up but I never answered him. I made my way to the cafeteria and ate my lunch in silence. Kurt stopped bugging me but I could still see whenever I glanced at him that he was concerned. Even some of the Warblers picked up the weird vibe I was emitting. Johnny called it my 'Don't fuck with me today or else I will make your life oh so miserable" aura. When I was nearly done with my lunch, Jeff suddenly appeared in the cafeteria and sat at our table. I tensed up when he sat down but I didn't dare look at him. When he suddenly muttered "Oh shit", that was when I knew that he really forgot about the whole thing. I stood up and started walking away but Jeff tried to follow me. He apologized again and again but I pretended to ignore him. That was the decision I made when I woke up that day. He neglected me and he forgot about me so I returned the favor. From that day on, I tried to forget about Joseph Sterling.

But of course, you already know that we patched it up sooner or later since me and Jeff talk again nowadays. But I still want to tell you what happened in this brutal part of our relationship. Like for starters, my little plot to ignore him lasted for more than a month. But I'll tell you all about that next time because this letter is kinda long now. Plus, I need to sleep now since I'm gonna wake up early tomorrow morning (err today) since I'm going to visit Blaine in the hospital.

So yeah, that's all for now I guess. Oh and yeah, do you know the song "Addicted" by Simple Plan? If not, then try to search it because a.) It's an awesome song and b.) It plays a big role to what happened between me and Jeff in that month that I ignored him.

And with that, I say goodbye since I need some shut-eye. Oh look, it rhymed! Anyway, talk to you next time Jackie. Hopefully no one throws any slushies with rock salt on your face anytime soon.

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	11. Chapter 11

Letter # 11

Hi there Jackie. I've got some great news I'd like to share! I got in to Tisch School for the Arts at NYU! (Cue the applause and the fireworks and the confetti cannons and the We Are the Champions background music!).

But just to clarify, I just made it as a finalist. I still need to pass the audition process before I become an official student at Tisch but I think I'll nail this one! Wes did it last year and I have every intention of following him there. Thad also got in his Dentistry program and because of that, he's out celebrating with Erika tonight. Erika still hasn't received any letter of confirmation which is scary but we're being optimistic for her. It'll be devastating though if she didn't make it and I'd hate to imagine what drama those two would face if they're forced to have a long distance relationship… To brighten up the mood again, Kurt also became a finalist for his school of choice, NYADA. I hope he gets in so that we can all be New York bound! And just to add to the pool of good news, Blaine is now on recovery in his house and I'm pretty sure he'll be fully recovered by next week; which would be a very nice Valentine's Day present for Kurt.

Anyway, I think that's enough happiness for the entire letter. Hahaha. It's time to plunge again to the depressing part of my past. So let's cue that magical harp sound that signals a flashback and let the storytelling of the 'Month without Jeff' begin.

* * *

So the last thing I told you was that I started ignoring Jeff ever since he forgot about our little meeting at Coffee Way. And when he realized it, he started plaguing me with apologies. Seriously, if you think cockroaches or locusts or rats are worse plagues; try having a cute blond boy, whom you also love, follow you around and mutter an arsenal of apologies and give you these barely resistible sad puppy-dog eyes just so you'd speak to him again. I've lost count of how many times I almost turned that month into a day or two because Jeff was that persistent.

If it wasn't for Johnny (yes, ever the Good Guy Johnny), I'd probably have given in to his apologies before the sun set on day two. As much as Johnny was against this little plan of mine, he still agreed with my request to stop Jeff's 'apology plague'. He felt slightly responsible for the fallout anyway that's why he tried to help me with this one.

When Jeff finally got the message that his incessant apologizing wouldn't work, he finally calmed down and gave me the space that I needed. Now what exactly did I need space for? Well for starters, I needed some Jeff-free time to think of what my next move would be. I still held that bargain I gave him before by my car. If he just says to my face that I have no chance with him, then I would immediately stop pursuing him. But due to what happened, I started rethinking that. A part of me wanted to really just cut the fantasy loose but I really couldn't do that. A part of me also wanted to cut not just the fantasy loose, but the entire relationship with Jeff as well, but that's something that I really couldn't do. Even if I tried my hardest, I could never simply forget about Jeffers like some irrelevant historical fact. I really just needed the time out to do the 'find myself again' cliché.

I started avoiding him, which proved difficult since we shared the same lunch time, but I still sort of succeeded in doing it. Whenever we did have those moments where we crossed paths in the hallways or cafeteria, we just casually avoid one another (well at least, that was what I did). Only a handful of Warblers actually knew what had happened so there wasn't much tension whenever we shared the same table during lunch time or the same room during Warbler meetings.

In fact, after a week of doing that awkward dance of evasion, I started getting used to the idea. Not enough to verify that I can lose Jeff in my life, but enough to make me see that my life shouldn't revolve around him.

* * *

One Warbler's meeting came (around the third week) and Wesley announced something that blew the mind out of each of us. Since we lost our Regionals, some of us got a bit bummed by it. I'd probably be along those ranks myself if I didn't have something bigger on my plate to deal with. So to boost some morale for the Warblers, Wes told everyone that each member will perform a solo just to remind us all how talented each one of us is. He took the stage first to lead an example and he started belting out a lovely rendition of "Home" from The Wiz. I can't remember if it was Flint or Logan who took a video of his performance but I know that it's still up in Youtube somewhere. Try searching for it, it's gorgeous!

When Wes was done, Blaine proudly stood up next but Wes and pretty much everyone in the room (including Kurt) shot him a look that said "you are not singing today". Blaine awkwardly sat back on the couch as Trent took the floor. He sang Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away" and it really proved how much he deserved the title 'Sassiest Warbler' in the group. His performance was absolutely breathtaking and some of us were darting our eyes back and forth to check if Trent was singing this to someone specifically. It turned out to be a false alarm but it was still fun to see how much of a gossip our whole group was, so much that we could communicate with just simple facial gestures. Throughout that 'exchange of information', I briefly saw Jeff sporting this dumbfounded look directed to Logan and it reminded me how adorakable the guy was. But yeah, that wasn't enough to shake my resolve that quickly.

David came next, then Andrew and to our surprise, Johnny, who sang "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls. We backed him up as he sang it and it just sounded so amazing that we considered it as a potential number for our future performances. Though as of today, we still haven't used it.

After a few more performances (one of which was Thad who sang "Fireflies" by Owl City), Wes stood up once more and told us that we would continue this activity tomorrow since it was getting late. That was fine by me since I wanted to practice the song I wanted to sing; which is the one I told you last time, Simple Plan's "Addicted". The song instantly popped into my mind when Wes announced that we were all singing. It was probably my brain's way of communicating my feelings through a proper song. I mean, just look at the lyrics, it was perfect!

Thad and I went back to our dorm room and I immediately hooked up my iPod to the speakers and played "Addicted" so I could practice. Thad immediately understood why I picked that song and he just watched me sing without comment, but it was written on his face that he didn't approve of my decision. I sang it a couple more times just to make sure that I hit every note properly, especially the "Heartbreaker" parts.

When I was done, Thad asked me why I wanted to sing that song. I just answered him truthfully since there was no use hiding it. I wanted to sing that song since it could empathize and channel the pain I felt. And maybe if he heard it, then he'd understand how much pain he inflicted to me, directly or indirectly. Thad stood up from his bed and enveloped me in a hug. It was comforting and after singing that song three times with pure unadulterated emotions, I really felt that I was on the verge of tears.

Thad saw this and he just told me to let it out. And I did. It was the first time I cried after what Jeff did. I cried for a while but Thad never let go of me. When I was finally done crying, Thad told me that things might get better from that point on. And you know what he was sort of right. Just sort of.

* * *

The next day, after all of our classes, the Warblers met again for Wes' little team building activity. When Wesley asked who would like to start us off, Jeff and I stood up at the same time. And to add to that awkward/funny tension, we started doing that cliché where two people say things at the same time like "you go first", "no you go, first" and "okay, I'll go first". It seriously happened, I kid you not! The Warblers were actually laughing at us because of that little display but I have to admit, it really was funny.

Wes decided that I should go first because of seniority so I took the floor and started explaining what I was going to sing. When Wevid (that's Wes and David) asked me why I chose that particular song, I just said that I like Simple Plan, which was true so I wasn't really lying. When the inquisitions were done for my weird song choice, I finally started singing the song.

_I heard you're doin' okay but I want you to know. I'm addict-, I'm addicted to you. _

_I can't pretend I don't care when you don't think about me. Do you think I deserve this? _

_I tried to make you happy but you left anyway._

I sang each line with pure emotions. All that angst I was feeling was carefully placed in every note and syllable I sang. I was actually tempted to look directly at Jeff as I sang it but that would have been too mean and well, too obvious. The fewer Warblers that knew about this, the better.

_I'm tryin' to forget that I'm addicted to you._

_But I want it and I need it. I'm addicted to you. _

_Now it's over! Can't forget what you said. And I never wanna do this again. Heartbreaker! Heartbreaker!_

Before I could stop myself, I took a quick glance at Jeff as I sang the chorus (specifically the 'Heartbreaker' part) and he looked sad. Actually sad was the understatement of the year. He looked guilty and miserable and dare I say it, a bit heartbroken. It bugged me but I still kept singing.

_How long will I be waiting? Until the end of time_

_I don't know why I'm still waiting. I can't make you mine._

Instead of continuing to the last choruses of the song, I stopped the song when I reached those lines. I didn't plan on doing that but it turned out great. The change in tempo and volume as I sang those parts made the ending more emotional and vulnerable. And suddenly, everyone was on their feet clapping at my performance. It was my first standing ovation from the Warblers and it felt great. Even Jeff was clapping along and he had a smile on his face which made my knees wobble. Yes, such a cliché thing to say but I really felt that… Wow, I really used the word cliché quite a lot today.

When they were done applauding, Wes asked Jeff to take the floor. I said a brief "good luck" to him as we crossed paths and I saw him smile as I returned to the couch. Jeff made his little introduction about the song he chose. He chose Elliott Yamin's "Wait For You", which shocked pretty much all the Warblers, including yours truly. See, us Warblers tend to have a certain genre or niche that we always tend to perform or suggest to the council. Kurt had his Show tunes, Blaine was a Top 40 guy, and Jeff had upbeat dance songs. That's why it was sort of a shock that he chose a ballad to perform for his solo. But that wasn't the only reason why I was shocked of his song choice. To explain it better, here's the first verse of the song.

_I never felt nothing in the world like this before. Now I'm missing you, and I'm wishing you would come back through my door. _

_Oh, why did you have to go? You could have let me know. So now I'm all alone._

_Girl, you could have stayed but you wouldn't give me a chance. With you not around, it's a little bit more than I can stand._

_Oh, and all my tears, they keep runnin' down my face. Why did you turn away?_

So… you could make a pretty safe assumption as to whom Jeff was referring to in that song. Apparently, I'm not the only one who thought of communicating through song…

_So why does your pride make you run and hide? Are you that afraid of me? _

_But I know it's a lie what you keep inside. This is not how you want it to be._

He sang that part while stealing glances at me. But he stole glances so frequently that he might as well have just stared me down. But those words, those song lyrics, they really made me think. Was I really just hiding from him? A part of me said yes but I still believed I wasn't. I'm not hiding from him. I just needed some time away. But I did agree that it was not how I wanted things to be. I mean, it's fairly obvious what I wanted to happen and clearly, this was far from the goal. But I dunno, I just felt like it was something that needed to be done…

See? This is one of those skills Jeff has over me. He could make me second guess, heck, even triple guess everything. He makes me doubt myself and the decisions I make. It's annoying… He broke into the chorus and it was beautiful, so fucking annoyingly beautiful.

_So, baby, I will wait for you. 'Cause I don't know what else I can do. _

_Don't tell me I ran out of time. If it takes the rest of my life _

_Baby, I will wait for you. If you think I'm fine it just ain't true. _

_I really need you in my life. No matter what I have to do, I'll wait for you_

That's another thing that annoys me about Jeff. Does he really need to sing a freaking love song? It's just sending so much mixed signals that my mind just explodes on thinking about things. Why couldn't he have just answered my ultimatum? Then everything would have been much easier for us…

I'm no longer going to write the whole lyrics down, just go search for it yourself. But yeah, it was nailing me in all the right places. Oh God that did not sound right…

When Jeff finally finished singing, I felt pretty hollow inside. It's like this huge emotional void opened up inside me and it took away all the foundations I had. The powers of this human called Joseph Sterling… With all these powers and skills he has, I could have easily made him out to be a superhero (or villain…).

Jeff looked pretty emotionally exhausted as he sat back down on the other couch. I couldn't blame him, singing songs like those really take a toll on people.

Next up was Kurt who made some sort of speech for the Warblers. And yes, if you can still recall from my previous letters, Kurt transferred back to his old school and that was the day that he announced it to us. He told us how much staying in Dalton changed his life. How he felt safe and accepted here and how no one ever tried to bully him or single him out for being different, for being gay. But he had to go back to McKinley because he missed his life there. He also told us that he needed to face the real world in all its harshness if he wanted to grow up and evolve. And yes, those were his actual words. I freaking imagined Kurt as a Pokémon because of that. He probably sports a move set of Double Slap, Mean Look, Leer and Hi Jump Kick.

He wanted to dedicate that performance of his to the Warblers and since Blaine couldn't perform a solo due to public demand, he incorporated Blaine in his number, turning it into a duet. He sang the song without even mentioning either the title or the artist but I immediately recognized the lyrics. It was "Say Goodbye" by S Club.

_In the years to come, will you think about these moments that we shared?_

_In the years to come, are you gonna think it over and how we lived each day with no regret._

Kurt nailed Rachel and Jo's part in the song. His countertenor voice soothed the lyrics as easily as the soprano's. Blaine then came in with Jon Lee's part.

_Nothing lasts forever though you want it to. The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you._

They reached the chorus and their voices blended well together, it was almost magical. If only they sang that good when they performed Candles then maybe we would have won that year's Regionals.

_Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny. _

_Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me._

_Though it's the hardest thing to say, I'll miss your love in every way._

_So say goodbye, oh don't you cry, 'cause true love never dies_

We harmonized along with them as they entered the second verse, kinda like what we did for Kurt in Blackbird and it sounded amazing. But when I looked around across the room, not everyone was participating and some of them even wore these bitter, grim faces.

When Klaine was done singing, some applause was shared but there were a few people who looked pissed off and it didn't take much time for one of them to speak up, that person being Stephen. Remember him? He's one of Sebastian's lackeys nowadays and he was the bastard that suggested the rock salt for the slushie… Just to refresh your brain so that his treachery will not be forgotten.

Anyway, he started saying things like Kurt really just used us Warblers. That he just transferred here since he thought we were a winning team. And now that we lost Regionals, he was going back to his old washout glee club. His words, not mine. Jeff's anger got the best of him and he told Stephen to take back what he said to Kurt. And then chaos enveloped the Warbler's room. Wes was trying to restore order but Stephen just wouldn't stop. Then things got physical when Blaine lashed out and pushed Stephen to a wall. Rodney, a new member who was close to Stephen, pushed Blaine away. Blaine tried to punch Rodney but he missed. And a lot more happened after that…

Long story short, a lot of shoving happened which resorted to a lot of furniture being disarrayed (which caused the janitor in charge of that room to quit since he's had enough of our antics… musical sheets being thrown all over the floor, shoe prints on the couches etc…) two blazer sleeves being torn and a Warbler membership suspension for Stephen. But yeah, as you already know, he returned to wreck havoc once more…

I avoided the actual fighting, so did Johnny, and we were the ones who rushed towards Kurt and took him out of the room. He was crying terribly but we tried our best to comfort him. But both Johnny and I knew that only Blaine could stop the Niagara Falls of tears.

* * *

The day after that, Kurt didn't show up for his classes. Though he texted me that he was just finalizing his school transfer that day. I asked him if he was alright and he replied with a quick no. But he said that it was probably for the best.

Things were pretty tense at our lunch table that day, so tense that I didn't even fret that I sat beside Jeff. There was an obvious chasm that separated the occupants' table. Wes and David sat in the middle trying to fix things but the problem was still too fresh to be fixed.

After classes, Blaine texted all of us who were on Kurt's side to meet up in the Warbler's room. When we were complete (roughly three-fourths of our usual number), Blaine announced his plan to serenade Kurt back at McKinley for his first day back. Wes was kinda reluctant since that involved cutting classes but due to what happened the day before, we decided that Kurt needed the support of the Warblers that really took him in as a comrade.

We tried to think of the perfect song to serenade with and we ended up with "Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane. And the one who suggested it? You've guessed it, it's Jeff (O darn, I did the Dora thing again, I mean the Blue's Clues thing….). Anyway, we plotted a schedule for our secret practices since we really wanted to send Kurt off with style.

Now why did I just jabber away all this Klaine related information? Well aside from it being entirely interesting (well at least I hoped it sparked your interest), the song that was born because of that drama (the one that Jeff suggested) actually played a big part as to how Jeff and I patched things up and stuff…

But yeah, I'll tell you all about it in my next later because I think I have dragged this letter far too long now. Just one last thing to tease you, as we departed from the choir room after we adjourned the meeting, Jeff got near me and whispered to me that he actually didn't think of that song for Kurt. Translation: It was for me. So yeah, something to look forward to, don't you think?

Anyway, thanks for reading again Jackie, especially this lengthy chunk of text. Hope you still enjoy the letters I've been sending to you and I hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day (I know I will!).

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	12. Chapter 12

Letter # 12

_Hey I just met you, and this is crazy! But here's my letter, so reply to me, maybe!_

I'm pretty sure you read that in tune to the song Jackie. Don't bother denying it. God, that song is like everywhere and it's driving me nuts. That song is taking Last Song Syndrome into the highest possible level ever! Do you know that Thad actually made calling cards with those lyrics? It seemed like a hilarious idea at first, but now, it seems petty and stupid. If this song is the trigger to the zombie invasion then we are all freaking zombies by now. And don't get me wrong, I actually like the song but it's just too catchy to the point that even the old, cranky pseudo-senile teachers here know it.

It's just like peanut butter. Everybody loves peanut butter (except for people that are allergic to them of course) and we tend to overspread them into our bread. And when we eat it, sometimes it gets stuck into the roof of our mouth and it gets annoying. But we still like peanut butter even though it has that possible outcome. And before you ask, I'm actually eating a peanut butter sandwich right now that's why that analogy came to my head.

Anyway, another pile of 'good news' came after V-Day, in the form of me quitting the Warblers. Yeah, that's right. I quit the Dalton Academy Warblers. Along with Thad, Jeff, Trent, Johnny, David and a few more. We all decided that winning this year's Regionals under Sebastian's "leadership" was just overstepping some lines especially after what happened to Blaine. They still have enough members though to qualify for Regionals which was okay with me since I want to see them crash and burn against The New Directions. Because let's face it, they don't stand a chance at winning without Jeff's master choreography or Thad and I's near perfect vocal blending or Flint's beat boxing. I will gladly give up a Regionals title just to wipe out Sebastian's meerkat smirk of his weasel face.

Anyway, I'll keep this letter a bit shorter than my past few letters since I have to leave soon anyway. We Warblers on a coup are going out to celebrate our new found freedom. Thad's actually in the shower right now so yeah, best that I start of with the story now.

* * *

The weekend practices we did for "Somewhere Only We Know" was grueling, fun but grueling. It's not that easy to learn a new song and develop an acapella rendition of it in two days time. We tried our best but it wasn't as perfect as we wanted it to be. We may be a great acapella group even in our reduced state but we were no miracle workers.

We finished our last practice that Sunday night at around ten pm since some of Wes' roommates were already complaining about the level of noise we were making. We had no choice but to end it because we can't risk an official complaint (we were already going to cut class the next day so we didn't want more trouble). It would have been so much easier to just book the usual Warblers' room overnight but because of the ruckus that happened there, we were really not on good terms with the admin. We dispersed back to our own rooms afterwards to rest and most importantly, stretch. Because we were so freaking cramped in Wes' room. Blaine was even seated on Flint's lap just so he could fit.

When Thad and I got back to our room, I received a text from Jeff which said "sorry again for hitting your head a while ago D:". Now, before you assume that Jeff went on a violent streak, let me tell you first that it really was an accident. As I told you, we were all cramped in Wes' room and Jeff was positioned behind me during practice, atop Wes' bed. He was leaning on Johnny that time but Johnny moved a bit which caused Jeff to lose his balance and flail a bit. And that brought his elbow to collide with the back of my head. We crash landed on Wes' carpeted floor because of that. It was really nothing to worry about and I already said it was okay back at practice so I just ignored the text.

When I got back from my shower, I saw that my phone had a new message on it, which came from Jeff. This one read, "R u still mad at me? D:". I tried to type a reply but whenever I typed something out, I tended to delete it again and start over. I just couldn't phrase what I had to say properly. If I had a do over of that moment, I would have typed this. "I'm not mad. At least, not mad anymore. Let's just let things fall into place." And yes, the falling into place was a sort of pun to what happened in Wes' room.

My phone buzzed again while I was trying to type my reply and it was again another text from Jeff. This one said "I'm guessing ur still quite mad then… It's ok, I deserve it anyway. Good night Nickers, c u tom". (And just in case you're wondering, these messages are still stored in my phone that's why they're accurate down to the frowney faces.) Anyway, after rereading that text for the nth time, I replied to him, saying good night. It was the first ever text I sent him every since the little fallout so I'm guessing it's something significant to note.

* * *

The next morning, all of us 'rebel Warblers' sneaked out of Dalton to head to McKinley High in Lima after our first two classes (Wes didn't approve of cutting the whole school day). We knew that we couldn't sneak a car out on a school day so Blaine, David and I took our cars out of the Dalton parking lot on Sunday and parked it at Coffee Way, the nearest establishment that's okay with the extra parked vehicles. When all of us finally got out of Dalton, we headed to Coffee Way to get our cars and some take-out pastries and drinks. We left a big tip since they let us park our cars overnight for free. The remaining rebel Warblers chose which one of us three they were going to ride on. I mean ride with. Errrr which car and designated driver did they prefer to carpool with. Damn, that phrasing and word choice was terrible…

Anyway, I ended up with Jeff, Johnny, Trent, Andrew and Kent riding **with** me. Serious emphasis on the 'with'. Jeff took the passenger seat and I started getting flashbacks of that drive home we had. But I just let it slide and focused on my driving. Jeff turned on the radio upon Kent's request and out came a familiar song that I didn't want to listen to with Jeff being around. It was Landon Pigg's "Coffee Shop". If you have AT&T commercials in your country then you probably know this song. I wanted to change the station but I was too late since Andrew and Trent were singing along to it.

_I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much. All of the while I never knew._

_I think that possibly, maybe I'm fallin' for you. Yes, there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you._

_I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine. Now I'm shinin' too because, oh because, I've fallen quite hard over you._

Hearing that song, I felt like my eyes would have some waters to make it shine as well. Johnny noticed this so he reached out and changed the song, much to Andrew's chagrin. The new station was just playing some pop song I can't recall now but it helped me get my mind out of the gutter.

We arrived at McKinley and as I parked, I saw Blaine talking to this African-American girl who I knew was a member of New Directions. I learned that her name was Mercedes when Blaine introduced us. Apparently, Mercedes was helping Blaine with this whole school serenade thing.

The time for the performance came and we were nervous and worried. Our layering and harmonizing was still questionable at some parts but what could we do about it? The show must always go on.

Blaine, Wes and David started us off and the awesome start boosted our confidence quite a bit. I could see Kurt's expression as we descended his school's courtyard and he looked stunned in a good way. I then saw that the courtyard had a piano and a drum set on it which I found odd but apparently, it was all part of Blaine's plan. Since we were still a bit rocky with our harmonies, Blaine asked McKinley's band/jazz ensemble (through Mercedes) to help out in our performance. The final product was astounding and Blaine's voice just made the entire scene so emotional and heartwarming. Kurt and Blaine looked like they were fighting back their tears and they weren't the only one. Even though Kurt's stay at Dalton was brief, he still made a difference to us. And those were big enough to open the floodgates in our eyes, including yours truly.

Hugs and goodbyes were shared as we ended the song. When Kurt hugged Wesley goodbye, he asked him who was he and what had he done to the real Wes. Every Warbler laughed at this because it really was quite unnatural for Wesley to break a lot of rules. When I got my turn, I hugged Kurt tight and lifted him a bit, much to his surprise. When I placed him back down, he whispered in my ear that I should forgive Jeff already because it was making both of us miserable. I replied that I'll think about it and he smiled at my answer.

* * *

When the emotional mess brought by goodbyes was done, we all headed back to Dalton so we could still catch some of our afternoon classes. The drive back was surprisingly quiet. The songs on the radio were not catchy enough to sing on the road (Call Me Maybe wasn't made yet to plague road trips) and Trent, who was the usual noise maker, took a nap the whole ride back.

We still had plenty of time to catch some of our classes when we arrived but it just proved useless to me anyway. I basically tuned out all my remaining classes because either I was too bummed out that Kurt was gone or I was too lost in thought with what Kurt said. Miserable was the word that really struck me in that exchange. I wasn't miserable. I may have been slightly less enthusiastic than I normally was but I refused to believe that I was actually miserable. But I was willing to admit that I would be miserable if cut Jeff off completely. But another thing bugged me, because Kurt mentioned that we were both miserable.

I started observing Jeff every lunch that week. He did look a bit down, like he lost the spring to his step. And I became a bit guilty. I wanted him to feel the gravity of his mistake and I also wanted some time away from him but I never wanted to make him miserable.

I texted Johnny to meet me in the library on one of those days (can't remember which one exactly). He immediately asked me what the emergency was and I just asked him if he thought Jeff was miserable. He quickly said yes and he reinforced it by saying that Jeff did miss me when I was mad at him. I then asked him if he thinks that patching up things with him now would be a good idea. Instead of a simple yes or no answer, Johnny went all mystical on me and told me that only I could answer that. The annoying thing was he was right. And if I was asked the same question, I would have answered the same way Johnny did…

After much more thinking, I finally decided that it really was time to forgive Jeff. And the moment I accepted that, I realized how much I really missed the guy. I asked Johnny for his help on how I would do this little reconciliation plan I thought of, and by Monday the next week, we were ready to execute it.

* * *

Lunch time came and I was waiting for Jeff by the grandstand of the Dalton sports field. Since most people spent their lunch break inside the cafeteria or in their dorm rooms or the library, this place offered some privacy. Johnny's task in the plan was to convince Jeff to go to the bleachers without revealing that I was there waiting for him. Johnny managed to do that and pretty soon, I saw Jeff walking on the track field, heading to where I was.

When he finally saw me, he stopped dead on his tracks but I waved at him to come. When he finally started climbing the stairs, I started singing Jesse McCartney's "Just So You Know".

_I shouldn't love you but I want to, I just can't turn away. _

_I shouldn't see you but I can't move. I can't look away. _

It was a sad song to sing and it didn't really feel like a song you should sing to reconcile with someone but I just felt drawn to choose this song to perform for him. It did ring true after all to our situation. Jeff just stood there and politely listened as I sang my song.

_Thought you should know I've tried my best to let go of you. But I don't want to._

_I just gotta say it all before I go, just so you know._

When I was done, I approached him and enveloped him in a tight hug. He was speechless but he somewhat looked happy. I told him that I wanted to sing another song for him since he already dedicated two songs for me. He then asked me if I wasn't mad at him anymore because the song kinda sent some mixed signals. I explained to him why I chose that song. I told him why I was angry at him in the first place and why I tried to ignore him. I also mentioned again the ultimatum I gave him and why his lack of response on that kinda screwed me up big time. I told him what Kurt told me about the two of us being miserable and how that somewhat lead to this moment. I pretty much just explained to him the whole side of my story.

When he still looked stoic, I told him that the important thing was, I wasn't mad at him anymore. And that I didn't expect an answer from that ultimatum I threw at him anymore. Jeff sighed and he looked guilty. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he didn't want to because I would probably just get mad at him again. Translation: it was related to Rose Anne.

I promised that I wouldn't get mad at him and that I just wanted to help. He then admitted to me that "Wait For You" and "Somewhere Only We Know" were not only for me but for Rose Anne as well. And that one of the reasons why he felt more miserable recently was because of Rose Anne. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I got jealous but I still had enough patience to ask him what was wrong with Rosie. He then told me that Rosie got in on an exchange student program and that she'd be gone for almost a year.

I just sat there beside him, comforting him. When he asked me if I was mad at him or disappointed or stuff like those, I quickly said no. As we sat there, I realized a couple of things. One was that Jeff really liked Rosie, probably in the same level that I felt for him. And two, Rosie was probably unsure about reciprocating the feelings back, the same way Jeff was with me. To break the silence, I asked Jeff if he really liked Rose Anne because I wanted to hear it first hand, not just see it or assume it. Here was his reply more or less.

"Of course I like her. She's pretty and awesome, overly fun to talk to. That's why I couldn't put down my phone most of the time. She's goofy herself and she's not afraid to try something new, hence the exchange program. She's really special and yeah."

It really amazed me how he blabbed about her that time yet I didn't feel the pang of jealousy. I just saw how cheerful Jeff looked as he explained why he liked Rosie and yeah, it may seem cliché but I felt happy since he was happy. And isn't that what loving a person really is? Finding happiness by making the person you love happy? That's the point where I decided that I would help Jeff get Rosie; that I would put my feelings aside just so Jeff could be happy.

I didn't say that to Jeff because I knew that he'd feel terribly guilty about it. That's also the point where I understood or at least made an assumption as to why Jeff couldn't just say no to me when I presented the ultimatum. Jeff did love me but it really was on a different page than where I was. He loved me to the point that he just couldn't bear to shoot me down because there really was no gentle way to reject a person.

Jeff then asked me why I asked that in the first place, since it was odd given our situation. I just told him that I just wanted to know. He gave me this quizzical and nervous look before he told me that he also liked me too and stuff. I just laughed and stopped him before he said things that might sway my earlier ideas. I told him that he didn't have to tell that to me anymore because it's been established that we do like each other. I told him that he was my best friend and I love him because of that. We hugged it out again before we departed the grandstand to go back to the main building.

And that Jackie is how the month without Jeff ended. It may not be the best ending but it was still a happy ending in my book. I had Jeff back in my life again and that's already a reward on its own.

So… it's not really as short as what I intended. Blame, or I dunno congratulate, Thad because of that. He's still in our bathroom taking a bath… Well next time, I'll be talking about that dream I've mentioned before in my previous letters. That'd be something exciting to talk about, I think?

And wow, just got a text from the Meerkat Lord himself. And he wants to meet all of us down our room (Warbler's room not our dorm room) pronto. He's probably going to beg all of us to come back to save his sorry ass. That'll be fun to watch.

Anyway, I'll see you next time then. I'm excited to see what the king of obnoxiousness has in store for us.

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	13. Chapter 13

Letter # 13

Wow, I've finally reached lucky number thirteen Jackie… How eerily ceremonial when compared to the news I have to share with you. I'll get to the regular story later since this one seems more vital and unhinging.

Remember when I told you that Sebastian called us for a meeting in my last letter? Well apparently, he wasn't asking us to come back to being the 'pips' in Sebastian and the pips. He announced some bad news about a guy named David Karofsky, a sort of acquaintance of both him and Kurt. Apparently this guy well… he tried to commit suicide after he was outed at his school. He's okay now, albeit hospitalized but he's still emotionally fragile with all that happened.

As Sebastian told us all the information he gathered, he really looked crestfallen to the point that I actually believed he was affected by this. He then went on and told us about his plan to have donation baskets for the incoming Regionals where all the proceeds that we gather from there will go to Lady Gaga's Born This Way foundation. He then reached out to us Warblers on coup if we would reconsider joining them again for this cause. He even complimented us by saying things like "with your talents back in our group, we could get more donations".

Of course some of us thought that this was more of Sebastian's conning tricks. And yes… I was one of them but c'mon. He was the same guy who administered the rock salt slushie as a form of a prank; making up a story like this just to get us back is kind of something you'd expect from him. When Trent told him that his lies weren't funny and that no one was buying it, Sebastian's face turned into a pure look of anguish and he ran out of the room, sobbing.

Everyone was stunned with what happened since it was the first time we ever saw Sebastian in such a vulnerable state. Thad and I looked at one another and we immediately understood what the other wanted to do, it's one of those roommate telepathy things. We got out of the room and tried to follow Sebastian. He may have been a prick to us, but Thad and I were still part of the Warbler's Council so it's our job to handle the members whether we liked it or not.

We finally caught up with him but he just pushed us away and screamed things like "go away", "leave me alone" and other carefully chosen phrases and obscenities. When we finally pinned him down, he stopped flailing and just started sobbing. Now to make this conversation easier for the both of us, I'll revert back once more to chat mode for easier understanding. And as usual, this is just a rough outline of the exchange that happened. It's not the exact words or phrasing but it is close.

Me: Could you calm down Sebastian and tell us what happened? What's gotten in to you?

Sebastian: Oh, like you care? Even if I tell you, you wouldn't even care. You hate my guts, remember?

Thad: Well can you really blame us? No offense, but you're an asshole.

Sebastian: Wow! No offense taken there. Now, could you just fucking let go of me? I don't need the pity of you jerks!

Thad: Really? We're the jerks here? We're the one that ran after you to check if you're okay and we're still the jerks here? Just go fuck yourself Smythe! I don't need more of your crap in my life. If you want to pretend that nobody cares and everyone's out to get you then fine, make me the bad guy. I'm out of here. Nick, you coming?

Me: It's fine, go cool yourself off Thad. I'll stay here.

Yes, you read it right Jackie. I stayed with the Lord of Meerkats… Anyway, back to the conversation

Sebastian: Wow, you're staying? Why? Do you want to see me cry some more? Do you wanna feel better about yourself because I'm fucked up now? Wanna feel like you're the better man now Duval? Go ahead!

Me: Look, believe it or not, I actually want to help you Sebastian. I dunno why I want to do that since you're the biggest dickhead I know but I'm still doing it right now. Mock my uncharacteristically good intentions towards you one more time and I swear to God, I will punch you in the face so hard that you'll need surgery just like Blaine did.

Okay… I may have made my parts a little bit more awesome than what I actually said. But hey, it's my point of view so forgive me if I want to glorify myself.

Me: So are you ready to tell me what's up?

Sebastian: Fine. What do you wanna know?

Me: Why did you run off like that? Did something bad happen to you? I know that there are some guys that transfer here to Dalton to get away from their past and yeah, I never got a chance to know yours. Since you were kinda infuriating since day one…

Sebastian: I'll try not to take offense to that one. Well, long story short… I pretty much suffered David's fate…

Me: Really? What happened? I mean, is it okay for me to know?

Sebastian: It was my first year of high school and well, I was just discovering my sexuality and all. Typical teenage years. Then there was this guy. He was one of my closest friends back then and I… I developed a crush on him. Then there was this party we went to at one of our classmates' house and I sort of made a move on him, I tried to k-kiss him and he… he pushed me away and he called me a f-faggot and screamed it for everyone to hear. He was disgusted by me and most of the people there agreed with him. I left the house immediately since they were all mocking me and there was this one guy who even threw his drink at me. And I just… I just ran away from all of them. I made my way back to my house and I was all alone since my parents were out. And I just felt so miserable and alone and hated that I just wanted to end things. I found my mom and dad's prescription meds and I just took them all together. But instead of dying, I just got hospitalized… No one visited me except for my parents. And none of my so called friends even bothered to text me or ask if I was okay.

I sat there in the halls with him, speechless as he told his story. I never expected him to have a past like that. He was just so arrogant and bitchy that it never even crossed my mind that he could ever be bullied like that.

Sebastian: When I was better, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to Paris with her to start fresh since there was no way I'd go back to my old school. I quickly agreed to her offer and I stayed in Paris for a year. But the same thing just happened there. Someone found out, it spread in our school and I became jeered at and alienated. That's when I move back here to Ohio and my parents enrolled me here. For another "fresh start". But I was sick of being bullied and being pushed around so I changed myself… And that's the Sebastian Smythe that you got to know. That awesome, confident badass

Me: You forgot a total prick and a pain in the ass.

Sebastian: Yeah… that too… But it's just… It's just so fucking easy to be like this. Yeah, sure, some people hate you but most of the people respect you, fear you. No one's going to mess with me because they're afraid of what I'm capable of.

Me: But isn't that going against what you wanted in the first place? You wanted to be accepted, right? You don't want to be alone but then why are you acting like this? You're pushing us away. Sure, you have your own lackeys that 'respect' you but they just hang around because they fear you. They don't know the real you. Most of us hate your guts because of all the things you did. How does that make you accepted? Look at Blaine. The guy befriended you even though he could see right through your plans and what did you do to him? You sent him to a hospital bed. If you just sticked to being yourself

Sebastian: But no one ever liked the real me! They just abandoned me! No one wanted to be my friend!

Me: I would.

Sebastian: You would?

Me: Absolutely. Look, the reason I stayed here with you was because I was worried about you. You looked so vulnerable back there and to be frank, you finally looked human. Not some evil demonic meerkat overlord. And yes, after hearing your story, I realized that you're just like most of the people here at Dalton. You had an awful past and you seek refuge here. Just like what Kurt and Blaine did and plenty of others out there. And yes Sebastian, I'd like to be your friend if you start being true to yourself.

Sebastian: Okay, hold up, am I being pranked right now? Are Kurt and Blaine hiding in that door waiting to slushie the hell out of me?

Me: Look, I'm serious here. Cut the 'life's just a bunch of fun and games' crap, okay?

He looked at me with these hopeful eyes and huge grin and then he hugged me and I hugged him back. It really felt weird at first since this was the guy that I wanted to push down a wood chipper after what he did to Blaine but it felt like the right thing to do. And yes, I really befriended Sebastian and I helped him reconnect with the Warblers. It wasn't easy and there were still a few skeptics (including Thad) but as of today, we're all part of the Warblers again. And we all went along Sebastian's plan for the donation baskets.

I also convinced Sebastian to apologize to Blaine and Kurt in person and that's where he is right now. I'm still waiting for a reply from any of them just to know what happened to their talk.

* * *

Anyway, I still promised to tell you about that dream and stuff.

Well, I kept my word that I'd help him with Rosie for the remainder of the weeks they still had left. The most notable of those was serenading Rosie to be Jeff's prom date. Okay, I know what you're going to ask, isn't Jeff a sophomore? Why is he going to prom? Well, as 'punishment' for the ruckus we made in the Warbler's room, the headmaster assigned the whole Warblers to perform in our junior-senior prom. It wasn't much of a punishment really so we gladly took it.

So yeah, with the help of Logan, Thad, Johnny, Blaine and I, Jeff serenaded Rosie with Bruno Mars' "Just The Way You Are". She said yes and I felt completely torn by that answer. But yeah, I just focused on Jeff's wide grin and his very euphoric state and that already made me feel happy. Thad, Johnny and Blaine were worried about me but I just told them that I was doing what was best and they just let me be after that.

Prom was a success to say the least. All the performances we did were met with a big round of applause which always feels awesome. I didn't bring a date because I didn't need/want one. Instead, I buried myself with the performances the Warblers had to do. Only Blaine and I were willing to perform in all the eight songs that we were asked to perform. The less time I spent on the dance floor gazing at Rosie and Jeff dancing, the better. And hey, I got to sing two duets with Blaine so that was already a good night on my book.

* * *

Time skipping and we arrive at May of last year and graduation was just around the corner. One of the most notable people that were graduating that year was Wesley. And because he wanted to thank us for the awesome four years he had at Dalton, he threw an overnight party down at Montgomery mansion (that's his house). All the Warblers were invited plus some of Wes' senior friends. Wesley's parents didn't allow anyone to bring dates (well… female dates) since they didn't want anyone getting pregnant under their roof after getting drunk and stuff. Obviously I wasn't affected by that but some of the guys like David and Thad had girlfriends that were like part of the Warblers already so they were missed in that party. Oh, and just in case you're wondering about Wes' parents and their stance on drinking, they're completely okay with it even if some of us were under aged. They already knew that some of the guys would find ways to bring alcohol in anyway so they just gave a green light to it. Wes' parents are cool like that.

The weekend of the party finally came and everyone was excited. Who wouldn't be after seeing Wesley's house? It had a pool and a Jacuzzi; they had a gaming hall with a pool table, foosball tables, a ping pong table and of course, videogame consoles. We had good food and plenty of booze (even though I don't drink) and Wes had a karaoke machine set up outside so everyone could sing along as we ate and swam. Of course there were some obvious things that happened. Blaine and Kurt were hogging the karaoke machine while Jeff was out creaming everyone in DDR. There were some surprises too like Johnny being an expert foosball player and Kent turning out to be a cue ball master. Long summary short, everyone was having a blast.

I helped Wes control the Warblers especially the ones that were already drunk (the tasks of being the sober one). In the gaming hall, some of the (drunk) Warblers decided to play a game of truth or dare. They invited me to join but since Jeff was part of the players, I decided not to participate. Plus, the questions and the dares they often choose for this game are really messed up. Yes, you can call me a party pooper if you want but that's just the way I roll. I sat beside Thad who was playing Super Smash Bros. on Wesley's Wii alongside Flint. When their round was done, I grabbed another Wiimote and joined in and I easily defeated them using Kirby since he's my forte. You may judge me for choosing the pink fluffy ball of cuteness as my warrior but Kirby is badass and strong!

But anyway, the night was still full of surprises because while I was beating the crap out of Link using Kirby's hammer, I suddenly felt someone kiss my cheek. When I turned to see who did that, I saw that it was Jeff and he had this shy, awkward look on his face. The guys playing truth or dare were cheering except for Johnny. Jeff apologized and told me that it was part of a dare then he went back to the circle. I was blushing furiously to the point that I was pinker than Kirby. My brain just kept replaying the phrase "Jeff just kissed me" over and over and over again. I mean, it was just on the cheek and it was part of a dare but it was still a kiss… And at that point, I wanted to know exactly what the dare was.

* * *

And ooh, just got a text from Blaine and he says that he's kinda okay with Sebastian now. Good for them.

Anyway, back to the story.

* * *

Thad dragged me away after that and asked me if I was okay and I just shrugged because really, it could go either way. A few more hours passed which I spent playing the Wii, observing Jeff's game of truth or dare or helping Wes control the drunken Blaine that went ballistic by the pool.

It was past midnight when most of the guys playing truth or dare called it a night. Either it was because they were bored, they were out of questions or dares or they were totally wasted. Most of them were under the last category and that included Jeff. I accompanied Jeff back into one of the guest rooms so he could lie down. I removed his shirt since it had traces of puke on it and I searched his bag for a change of clothes. Funny thing though, Johnny walked in as I took off Jeff's shirt and he thought that I was taking advantage of him… I explained my innocent intentions and he was embarrassed. It's actually funny to see Johnny so loose like that, that's the power of alcohol.

When I finally got Jeff's new shirt on, I let him sleep and soon enough, he was out cold. I then made my way to Johnny (who was by the electric socket charging his laptop) and started interrogating him about what happened in the truth or dare. It took some convincing and a little bit of guilt tripping but he finally caved in and I was pretty shocked by the answer. Trent was the one that gave Jeff the dare, and knowing Trent, he really wanted controversial/perverted dares… Apparently, his dare was to kiss the guy he'd go out with if he turned gay on the cheek. And I was that guy, lucky me. Johnny, in all his alcohol influenced thinking, told me to not get my hopes up since I was after all the safe choice for that dare. And the sad thing was, that was true. I tried to erase that thought as people piled into the guest room we were in.

Now the layout of the room was a queen size bed surrounded by a sea of mattresses so the room could accommodate more people. I laid Jeff on the bed while Johnny and I chose to be on the floor; Johnny because of his laptop and me because I'm okay with sleeping on the floor. Johnny had no plans of sleeping and I sort of tagged along with his idea. We played some of his two player games as more and more Warblers dozed off in the room. Blaine was beside Jeff in the bed but I barely recognized him with his hair looking like Medusa's (the power of hair gel).

Around 3 o' clock, I started to feel sleepy. All the gaming and chasing down Blaine before he falls down the pool (which he did eventually) really took the energy out of me. I told Johnny that I was going to take a nap and before you knew it, I was dreaming.

And yes, we finally arrived to that demented dream of mine.

* * *

Quick back story though as to why I had these weird dreams. Back in 2010, my grandma was diagnosed with cancer. She's still alive thank God but the news kinda scared me. Then I started having these nightmares about seeing her in a coffin and I couldn't do anything to get her out of there. Soon enough, those nightmares branched out. My grandma was soon replaced by my mom, sometimes by Thad or Johnny or Kurt and sometimes, by Jeff. It was a horrible dream to have but at least I didn't see them die or anything. I just saw them like they were undergoing cryogenics like those future life preservation ideas. But still, not being able to wake them or touch them in that dream was kinda unsettling.

That night, I was visited by that dream again and I saw Jeff in his coffin once more. But something was different this time around because I was able to pry open Jeff's coffin. He felt cold and lifeless but he was breathing. I checked for a pulse and it was there so I tried to wake him. I shook him and slapped him but none of those worked. And then I had a crazy idea… I kissed him. I placed my lips on his and I felt the coldness go away. Then I felt him kiss back and it was magical, as if I was the one that was getting revitalized. But all good things come to an end because I suddenly woke up after that.

And remember I told you that this overnight was filled with lots of surprises. Well, add seeing Jeff right in front of me after I woke up to the list of surprises. He was seriously right in front of me. I would just need to lean over a bit and our noses would be touching. We were that close. I leaned away because the closeness was awkward and to be honest, a bit too tempting but I didn't want to take advantage of that. And then I started wondering, did the kiss really happen? Because the kiss in the dream felt so lifelike and then Jeff was right in front of me, definitely kissing distance. I got up and looked at Johnny, who was sleeping while sitting down, leaning on the wall. And that's when I knew that no one witnessed whether it did happen or not…

* * *

So two questions were left on my mind. One was "how did Jeff end up beside me?" and the second was "did the kiss really happen?" Well… those questions got answered after Jeff woke up… But I'll tell you all about it next time.

And yes, I am leaving you with a cliffhanger. Got a problem with that, Jackie? XD I think it's only fair since I was also left wondering about that kiss for a long time… And since I was the one involved in the 'kiss' along with the guy I like, the wait felt like a million times longer for me. I was even highly tempted to wake him up just to find out if he felt someone kiss him… But yeah, I restrained myself.

Anyway, I would have finished the whole thing now but I sadly have to go. Regionals practice beckons me. And I have to be there to maintain some peace and to be there for Sebastian. Sebastian didn't text me after his talk with Blaine so I wanna know how it went from his side.

Damn, I still can't believe we're friends now. Well, that's life for you. The only predictable thing about it is its unpredictability.

See you next time then, Jackie. And if you ever feel down and you have those feelings like Sebastian and David Karofsky did then find help first. Find someone to talk to. Heck, write to me and I'll help you. Life's too short to end it yourself.

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Just something to note, I received this letter around mid-April, about the same time I started publishing Nick's letters here. And with that said, I am here to inform you that this is the second to the last most recent letter that I have in my possession.

* * *

Letter # 14

Sorry if I haven't written to you in a long time Jackie. Things have been pretty hectic around here. Maybe I shouldn't have left the cliffhanger after all…

But yeah, life has really been freaking chaotic here. For starters, we lost Regionals again against The New Directions but I don't really care about that. I'm happy they won because they really gave a beautiful performance. David Karofsky is also out of the hospital and he's doing fine nowadays. Sebastian and I actually visited him once in the hospital and it turned out great.

Speaking of Sebastian, he's actually one of the reasons why I've been so busy. The guy is clingy in a surprisingly endearing way. Ever since our little heart to heart, he started to change for the better and he really became, dare I say it, a good friend of mine.

The Warblers were actually shocked by the transformation. They even asked me what kind of witchcraft or voodoo magic I did to change Sebbie (that's what I call him from time to time) like that; or if I had some sort of big dirt on Sebastian that I'm using to blackmailing him. The Warblers just never change. They are all Conspiracy Keanus.

But anyway, that's not the biggest reason why I've been so busy the past few weeks. The real reason is that my Tisch audition is coming up next week. I've been preparing "Halloween" from _RENT _for so long that I literally punched a wall when I received another letter from Tisch detailing the changes for the audition process.

Instead of the traditional monologue/solo performance, the admin wants to see a dialogue for our auditions. This was due to some problems with successful applicants who couldn't play well with others. Since I was the only one who applied for Tisch in Dalton, I had free reign on who I wanted to be partners with and I chose Sebastian. Since he volunteered to help me and all. I would have asked Jeff but he was having problems of his own with one of his classes so I didn't want to add more things onto his plate.

The first thing that popped into my mind for the dialogue was Mark and Roger's part in "Goodbye Love" (Yes, I really, really want to do _RENT…_) but Sebastian told me that it failed to highlight me more; which was sadly true. He gave his own suggestion though and it was perfect since it had a good dialogue at the start and it was still part of a musical so I can show off my musical talent. It also highlighted one of the characters more in that scene so it will work on my favor. The problem is, the scene Sebastian suggested was the reprise of "The Word of your Body" from Spring Awakening and he wanted me to play Hanschen while he played Ernst.

What's wrong with that, you ask? Well… why don't you search a performance of the song yourself? You'll see why. But yeah, since I couldn't find a better material to perform to, I agreed with Sebastian's suggestion. We've been practicing it a lot and it actually looks and sounds great (we record it so we know what lines we need to improve on). And to really show my versatility as an actor, I agreed to the kiss in the scene. Yes, you read that right, Sebastian and I have been kissing for this performance. It was a stage kiss so it's nothing much to worry about but it feels weird from time to time. And I meant that in both a good way and a bad way. And no Jackie, there was no tongue. It's simple, basic kisses… In case you get any wrong ideas…

Oh right! I'm here to talk about the kiss that happened at Wes' party. Not the kiss that Sebastian and I have been doing. Sorry about that. It's just that this audition is the biggest audition of my life so I'm really excited and anxious about it… It's literally the only thing I have been talking about for the past week.

Anyway, right, the kiss in the party. Gotcha.

* * *

I couldn't fall asleep after I woke up from that dream. I tried to, but my brain was just going on overload and a lot of the guys were snoring like jackhammers pummeling the concrete. Blaine was even sleep talking. Something about him thinking Kurt was the love of his life. It was cute but then he started jabbing about hair care products and how he loved them too…

Around six in the morning, Johnny started to stir into consciousness (I really am thankful that the guy was an early bird). The moment he was wide awake, I asked him how Jeff suddenly popped beside me in my sleep, hoping that he was still awake when that happened. He looked at the sleeping Jeff and told me that he had no clue whatsoever. He then asked me what was bugging me and I immediately told him about the dream, in whispers of course. We didn't want anyone overhearing things or anyone waking up unexpectedly because of the noise we were making. Some Warblers have the weirdest tempers when they wake up from a hangover… Kurt being one of them which you'll see (err read?) later.

Anyway, his assumptions and guesses were just as good as mine which practically meant nothing so we were both stumped. It looked like the only person that could really answer the mystery was Jeff, and I didn't want to ask him for obvious reasons.

Johnny and I exited the room quietly since we were starving. We made our way to the dining room and I saw that some of the hired help were actually setting up breakfast. They offered us to eat, which we did, and then asked us if there were others who were already awake. We told them that it was just the two of us so far and they left us to our own devices after that.

Johnny then stopped eating and started staring at something in the ceiling. I just ignored his sudden interest in interior design and continued consuming the leftover pigs in blankets last night and the killer Eggs Benedict they placed on the table. Johnny started tapping my arm and told me to look at the thing he was looking at. I stared up and all I saw was this small thing lodged in the corner of the room. I didn't understand why Johnny was interested in it at first but then it hit me.

It was a security camera. The Montgomery mansion had eyes. And yes, I paid homage to "The Hills have Eyes" in that sentence. Pat yourself on the back if you got that.

We went back to the guest room after we finished our breakfast to check if the room also had a security camera. To our delight, there was. And to add to the pile of good news, Jeff was also up and about (along with Cole and Kent but it's not really that important to mention). We approached Jeff and asked him if he felt alright after all those drinks. He said that he was just nursing a small hangover and that I should be more worried about Johnny who drank almost twice as much as he did. I turned my head towards Johnny because that was really a surprising thing to hear but he just shrugged like it was no big deal.

Jeff then thanked me for taking care of him last night. I was thankful too that he was still too hungover to notice me blushing, partly because of the compliment but mostly because of what Johnny assumed I was doing to Jeff. He went to the bathroom to freshen up and nurse his hangover and Johnny and I were left in the room again, mulling over what to do as a symphony of snores still echoed throughout the room.

David then entered our room (he slept on Wes' room), followed by Wes who carried a megaphone. Why Wes had a megaphone in their house, I have no idea. Wes then turned the thing on and shouted at everyone in the room to wake up and then he turned the blaring emergency alarm on for good measure. Everyone shot out of their sleep. Kurt screamed out loud something along the lines of "I did not spike the punch Coach Sylvester" while the others were also in that similar form of panic. David and Wes were laughing at the chaos they caused and when things finally died down, all the guys were screaming protests and curses at the duo. Kurt was in such a bad mood that he threw a hairbrush towards Wes; though he missed his mark and it hit David's forehead instead.

Wes and David raised their arms up in surrender and just told everyone that breakfast was ready, which wasn't really news for me and Johnny. Everyone just groaned because of their rude awakening but some of them did start to stand up, out of hunger. Jeff finally came out of the bathroom looking fresher but still hungover. Kurt immediately shoved Jeff away and locked himself in the bathroom to perform his 'daily morning moisturizing regimen'.

We accompanied Jeff back to the dining room since he was starving and well, I wanted another round of those Eggs Benedict. While walking, Johnny asked Jeff how he suddenly appeared beside me that morning. I silently thanked him for asking Jeff because there was no way I could pop that question. Wow, that sounded like I was going to propose to him or something.

Jeff held a look of confusion for a while before his alcohol streamed brain finally processed the question properly. He told us that he went to the bathroom to hurl (we were already asleep when that happened) and that he was too dizzy to cross the human littered pathway back to the bed so he just laid down beside me since there was some space; a very tight and small space but still a space.

He then asked us if he did something bad. Like if he puked on me or if he accidentally gut punched me. My mind was screaming, "Nope, we probably just kissed in our sleep, nothing out of the ordinary" but I just remained pensive. Johnny then returned the question to him and asked him if he thought something bad happened. Johnny was really interrogating Jeff without revealing too much information and for that I was thankful. Jeff just shook his head and before you knew it, the conversation has stopped. That was because of two reasons. One was we didn't know what to follow up with and two, the dining table had chocolate chip pancakes… and French vanilla infused syrup… So yes, screw my heart's concerns, my stomach mattered more.

Wes and David arrived in the dining room with feathers in their clothes and hair (for Wes). We asked them what happened and they told us that it was because they tried to wake Sleeping Curly (Blaine). As we ate breakfast _again,_ everyone kept exchanging some funny stories that happened while everyone was drunk last night. Trent mentioned how the twins, Evan and Ethan, were dared to play gay chicken and of course, he told everyone the kiss Jeff gave me which made the two of us blush… To change the topic, I also gave my own stories of how Blaine fell down the pool and then tried to pull Kurt in and how Thad accidentally hit himself in the groin while playing foosball.

We all went silent when Kurt finally walked in and asked where the coffee was in all enmity. All of us already knew by now that the only way to appease a bad mood Kurt is with coffee, and lots of it, so we just let him be.

I waited for Wes to grab his fill of breakfast and when he was done, I asked him if we could talk outside, away from other pairs of ears. When we were out of earshot, I asked him if it was possible to view some security footage from last night. Of course he asked me why I wanted such an absurd favorbut I just told him a half-truth. I told him that I wanted to see what crazy things the Warblers did last night for like future blackmails/crazy storytelling sessions. He looked at me suspiciously but he agreed nonetheless, with the condition that I wouldn't use any of it against him.

He asked me which room I wanted to view and to hide suspicion, I asked for both the guest room and the gaming hall's footages. He told me that he'll give it to me later since he couldn't bring me to where they actually kept the recordings. He said that with such a mysterious voice that I actually wondered what other secrets the mansion held. If Wes told me that they had a secret dungeon by their wine cellar or a three hundred year-old ghost plaguing their library then I would have believed it.

* * *

I spent the next hour playing with Wes' dogs along with Jeff. He was a dog person while I was an animal person in general. We petted and played fetch with Wes' dachshunds till we had the dogs (and ourselves) panting. I went back to the guest room after that to grab a shower and while I was washing away the sweat and filth on my body, Wes knocked on the door and told me that he had the 'secret package' I requested for. I dressed up as quickly as possible then I took the discs that Wes had brought.

I texted Johnny to meet me in the guest room and when he got there, we viewed the discs on his laptop.

Okay… Sebastian just texted me to meet him in his room so we could practice again for my audition so I'll finish this letter quick. Wow… I'm meeting a guy in his dorm room to practice a scene with kissing in it and suggestive dialogue. There is seriously nothing wrong with that.

Anyway, we viewed the disc we wanted and with our luck, we could actually see where I was clearly on the video. Jeff did get up from the bed at around 3:40 as marked on the video and he did lie down next to me after he went to the bathroom. We then fast forwarded it till we reached the point where I woke up. Before Johnny rewinded the video to reach the point where the kiss probably occurred, Johnny asked me whether I really wanted to go through with this. Good ol' Johnny, building the suspense for us. I told him that I was ready and we finally hit the slow-mo rewind button and the moment of truth finally came.

The kiss didn't happen.

No I'm just kidding! It actually did.

Hahaha, okay fine, Honest Abe mode engaged and yes, the kiss really didn't happen. We searched for it for quite some time and we replayed and rewinded the video for like five times but the sad conclusion really was that the kiss never happened. It was all in my head.

Johnny closed his laptop and just patted me on the back for comfort. He then told me that at least I already knew the answer to my little inquiry so it wasn't really bad news. And you know what, he was right. Because I actually didn't know what I would even do if the kiss did happen. In fact, I think my life would have been even more complicated if the kiss did happen. At least with the knowledge that it didn't happen, I was able to resume my life normally; without much paranoia and questioning. I certainly didn't want to be the spokesperson for the Y U NO meme so I just accepted the answer I got.

The rest of the day was just more fun times with the rest of the gang. We finally woke up Blaine when we tossed him into the pool and Kurt's bad mood was lifted upon seeing that. We all got our own versions of happy endings.

So yeah Jackie, that's the story of the kiss that missed. Up to now, Jeff has no idea about that dream I had and I pretty much have no intentions of telling it to him anytime soon. I mean, what good will it do if I told him anyway?

Anyway, my meerkat faced Ernst is already waiting for me so I really have to go. I'll talk to you next time then, when I'm free again. Whenever that'll be.

One thing's for sure, I'll still write to you before I graduate here. I still have one more story to tell you and it has something to do with Rosie so I think that'd be interesting.

Signed, Nicholas James Duval


	15. Chapter 15

AN: As I told you in the last letter, this is the most recent letter that I have in my possession from Nicholas James Duval. And by the way the letter flows; I believe that this is probably the last letter I'll receive from him.

* * *

Letter # 15

Hello Jackie, it's been a while… But hey, at least there are no big booming cliffhangers like the last one, right? Anyway, I have so many things that I need to tell you! This is the effect of not writing to you for more than a month! And I wanna tell you everything now because I'm not sure if I'll still have time once I move to New York.

And yes, you've read right, I'm moving to New York because I got into Tisch! And that's the first news I have to tell you. I'm saying goodbye to Ohio and I'm saying hello to New York, New York! The talent scout loved my performance of "Word of your Body" and she called it brave and daring. She even complimented Sebastian and told him that he would also be a promising addition to Tisch once he graduates from Dalton.

My mom was so excited when I got in and my dad, well…; let's just leave it at that. His sister, though, couldn't be any happier. My Aunt Rebecca had always been ecstatic about my love for the performing arts, seeing as she makes a living out of it. And yes, I am talking about _the _Rebecca Duval; the star of the "Casual Friday" series. Yeah, she's my aunt and I'm proud to be his nephew. I'm actually meeting her up in New York since she's working on a project there, something about Marilyn Monroe.

Anyway, Thad will be joining me this summer for our apartment scouting and yeah, we'll still be living together. You'd think that after four years of waking up and seeing each other's faces we'd be sick of each other by now but yeah, Thad and I are tight. And so will Erika, even though she didn't make it to NYU. The two of them talked about it and they agreed that a long distance relationship wouldn't work that well for them so Erika decided to go to New York with Thad and me. So yes, the three of us will face whatever New York throws at us together. Like Harry, Ron and Hermione or Ted and Marshall and Lily.

As for Kurt and his friend Rachel, NYADA hasn't sent them their acceptance letters yet. We don't stress over it that much though since NYADA really loves building up the tension for those letters. That's what they get for applying to a pure dramatic arts school. And besides, we're all pretty much positive that they'll get in. Kurt kept gushing on and on about the amazing comments Madam Tibideaux (their talent scout and dean) gave him for his performance of "Not the Boy Next Door" from the Boy from Oz four weeks ago. While Rachel will probably get in because of her breathtaking performance in this year's Nationals which New Directions amazingly won. It'd really be totally awesome if they both got in and joined us in our New York adventure. They'll be the Neville and Ginny or the Barney and Robin to my aforementioned trio. Random thing to note though, Harry/Ted ends up in a relationship with Ginny/Robin so… hmmm… yeah, most likely never gonna happen in our case.

The school year's also ending so not only is our graduation around the corner, but Rosie's return from Japan will be coming up as well. In fact, she'll be back in Ohio this Friday and well, Jeff's been a nervous wreck because of that. Totally understandable behavior but still highly annoying. I kept on reassuring him that there's nothing to worry about since they've practically been Skyping each other every day since her plane landed in Japan, so meeting her in person again won't be that different. But his paranoia begs to differ.

Anyway, since I mentioned Rose Anne already, might as well start now on the talk we had before she left for Japan.

* * *

Now something to note, Rose Anne and I have acknowledged one another as people involved in Jeff's life even before the talk occurred. We're acquaintances or we may even satisfy the simplest definition of friends but we weren't close. So when one day I texted her that I wanted to meet up at Coffee Way to talk, she was seriously surprised.

She asked me if there was a problem or something to which I replied that I'd tell her when I see her. Yeah, it's an eerie and somewhat bitchy response but hey, I wanted to build the mystery. We agreed to meet up on a Saturday afternoon to easily accommodate both of our schedules.

Okay, I think you have a question you have been dying to ask me; what do I want to talk to her about in the first place? Am I right or am I correct? (Darn I did the Blue's Clues thing again…) Well, this little confrontation I planned was actually the result of a conversation I had with Jeff some days after Wesley's party.

Jeff had been worried (as usual) about what he was for Rosie. Was he forever just a friend (ouch…)? Was he more than that? Was Rosie just leading him on? Stuff like those. And the poor guy couldn't ask Rosie himself, especially since Rosie's been busy preparing for her exchange student trip. I asked him if he wanted me to talk to her which he firmly said 'no' to. He didn't want me to be involved too much with his problems with Rosie especially with all the things that have happened.

But of course, I couldn't bear seeing him mope all the time like that so I went behind his back and talked to Rose Anne. I even had an excuse why I was doing this in case Jeffers found out. I would tell him that I was doing this for myself since I wanted answers as much as he did. Which was an honest to goodness truth.

The dreaded day of the talk came and I started to second guess myself while I waited for her. Thankfully Niq was on shift that day and she helped me calm my nerves down. She even made a joke that she was only one wave away if I needed back up or some piping hot milk to use as a projectile weapon. And for good measure, she gave me a cupcake that was on the house. The cupcake actually relaxed me since it reminded me of the cupcakes Jeff and I had when we had that drive home (even if that was somewhat disastrous).

She finally arrived and when I saw her, I was stunned a bit because it was the first time I fully acknowledged how beautiful Rosie was. My jealousy really was a powerful force for it to have obscured how beautiful Rosie was to my eyes before. No wonder Jeff was head over heels for her. Her boyish-cut hair was like that of an anime character and her glasses added a bit of maturity yet cuteness to her.

She finally spotted me and she sat in front of me after ordering some milk tea. We made some small talk just to get a bit comfy with each other's presence since this was the first time we were ever alone together. I asked her about the exchange program she applied for while she asked more about the Warblers. When pleasantries were done, I finally broke into the interrogation cop act.

For easier understanding again, I'll break into conversation mode. And since the conversation seems flat without my usual witty commentary, I'm already telling you that the exchange we had was actually quite I dunno, fun. We actually laugh a lot throughout the talk and you'll see why.

* * *

Me: So… yeah. There are some things I want to ask you today…

Rosie: Sure, just go ahead. I don't mind. I mean, nothing bad happened, right? I haven't seen or talked to Jeff in three days so… did something happen to him?

Me: No, no. Jeff's okay. Really. Just pretty busy I guess with you know, school work and stuff. Finals are coming up so it's pretty understandable so yeah ummm yeah. Errr

Rosie: Okay. Take your time to compose your thoughts first. The rambling is adorable but we're not going anywhere with that.

Me: Right. Sorry… Well umm okay. So… I'm here to talk about Jeff. Specifically about you and Jeff.

Rosie: Yeah, I figured that much out. Why? You said he's okay, right? Is there something else going on that I should know about?

Me: Umm yeah well it's just cause errr. God, this was so much easier inside of my head.

Rosie: Hahaha, you got that right. But c'mon, spill it. I can take whatever you wanna dish out. Is Jeff like, angry at me or something?

Me: No. It's nothing like that Rose Anne.

Rosie: Rosie. Just call me Rosie, okay Nick? Otherwise I'd call you Nicky and I know you don't like that.

Me: How did you know that?

Rosie: Jeff told me. The guy tends to ramble a lot. Just like you. Anyway, go on. Tell me the reason why you wanted to meet me in the first place. Because I'm not really good with suspense and stuff.

Me: Okay, promise that you won't get mad at me or anything, okay?

Rosie: I solemnly swear that-

Me: You're up to no good?

Rosie: Hahaha, are all the Warblers obsessed Potterheads? Not that I'm complaining.

Me: Pretty much, yeah. Blaine even has some robes and a wand. And there was even a time where we tried to recreate Butterbeer in the dorms.

Rosie: Only Butterbeer? We've already done Firewhiskey but don't tell our dorm manager that.

Me: No need to worry about me; as long as you give me the recipe.

Rosie: How about I give you the recipe after you tell me what's really going on? We've been having segues for quite some time now.

Me: Fine, Rumplestiltskin. I'll agree with that deal of yours. So okay, I really just want to know, what Jeff is to you. There I said it.

Rosie: Ummm okay, wow. I'd like to say that that came out of nowhere but no, it really is a valid question. But umm, can you expound on it first?

Me: Well, it's just… I don't wanna barge in or anything but Jeff's kinda gloomy and confused lately. And as his friend, I'm concerned about him. That's why I want to know what he is to you. Because I don't want to see the guy hurt and if you're just leading him on or anything of that sort, I really would appreciate it if you stop doing that.

Rosie: Wow, not much rambling this time around, I'm impressed. And to reassure you Nick, I'm not leading him on or doing anything of that sort either. I'm just well, Oh wow, now I'm the one rambling.

Me: It's okay. Take your time to compose your thoughts first. Hahaha

Rosie: Gee, where have I heard that before? Okay, just to clear things out, I somewhat explained all of this to Jeff but maybe I was too vague.

Me: And may I know this explanation?

Rosie: Well, you've already known I'm going to Japan for quite some time, right? So obviously, if I start a relationship with Jeff then it won't start out good with this intercontinental distance that's gonna happen between us. I like Jeff. I really do and I'm willing to give us a shot but only if he's willing to wait for me when I get back. And besides…

Me: Besides what?

Rosie: I actually just came out of a breakup when you guys performed in our school. My friend Amy actually forced me to watch you guys perform, remember her?

Me: Of course, how could I ever forget about the sexual harassing Amy?

Rosie: Yeah, sorry about that. Anyway, Amy forced me to go on a date with Jeff so I could get over my ex. It was a dumb thing to do, I know and it looked like I just used Jeff but it turns out, Jeff really did help me recover. And then Jeff fell for me which is actually cool since the feeling is mutual but he fell too hard to the point that I think he turned obsessed.

Me: I have to agree with you on that one. Seriously, his thumbs probably got a workout from texting you a lot.

Rosie: Yeah, he texts me like 24/7 and it's cute but it's also scary.

Me: Too stalker-y and obsessed for your taste?

Rosie: Not really. I was scared because I was like that in my previous relationship. I fell too fast to the point that I forgot who I was and my life just revolved around my ex. And when we broke up, I just got lost because I built myself around him… And I think that's what's happening to Jeff. And it's unhealthy. I like him but I don't want him to forget who he is. Do you understand what I'm getting at?

Me: Surprisingly, I do. Based on experience, actually. I've fallen for someone too, still am to be honest. And yeah, it really is important to not lose yourself and make your life revolve around just one person because if that person leaves you or decides to not reciprocate your feelings then you need somewhere to begin again. You need yourself to catch you.

Rosie: Precisely. And since we're already starting up an episode of The View here, can I ask who that person is? Because I think I have an idea.

Me: R-really?

Rosie: You're stammering. Yeah, I think I know who he is.

Me: I'm sorry. Did you just say, 'he?'

Rosie: Oh c'mon, you don't have to hide it to me Nick. It's Jeff, right?

Me: H-How did you even know that?

Rosie: I'm a girl. We have this thing called 'women's intuition'. It's the superpower God gave us to bear with you guys. And c'mon, don't shy away like that. There's nothing wrong with it.

Me: Okay but still, how? Did Jeff tell you or ever hint it to you?

Rosie: He didn't have to. Though the way he talks about you a lot whenever we meet did give me some hints. I know that you really are special to him and that feeling is obviously mutual.

Me: He talks about me? With you?

Rosie: Yeah. The guy is like overly bromantic with you. He talks about how cool your voice is and how supportive you are about us and how much of an awesome friend you are to him.

Me: And that didn't bother you?

Rosie: Nope.

Me: Not at all?

Rosie: Nope. Honestly, I'm just glad that there are other people who love and care for Jeff like that. Because the guy is so insecure and too much of a worrywart.

Me: You could say that again. He gives too little credit to what he does for us, for me. If only he actually saw how amazing and gorgeous he is to us.

Rosie: Yeah. And Nick, that's actually something I want to ask you about.

Me: Huh?

Rosie: Promise me that you'll never change the way you care for Jeff because he needs it. Especially since I'm leaving.

Me: You don't have to tell me twice Rosie, but why do you want me to do that? It seems kinda counterintuitive, you know? You're pretty much giving me free reign to be the rebound.

Rosie: I'm okay with that. If you two end up together then I'm cool with it. Because at least it makes Jeff happy and that's our common goal, right?

Me: Yeah… But I know that Jeffers is only attracted to you so it doesn't really matter.

Rosie: You don't know that yet. Maybe things will look up for you, maybe it won't. Maybe Jeff and I can be together after my trip to Japan or maybe the two of you can finally move out of this best friend zone or maybe something entirely different happens. Life's too unpredictable. Heck my plane could crash somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. It's just all so random.

Me: Kinda morbid, don't you think?

Rosie: That's true but it can still happen. That's why I want you to promise me that you'll take care of Jeff. Whatever happens, okay? Maybe we can't dictate how our life should be but we can still try to change it. So, do we have a deal?

Me: Give me the recipe for Firewhiskey and we have a deal.

* * *

So yeah, that's probably the core of the conversation. And as usual, those aren't the exact words we uttered. Rosie used words that I don't normally use so I didn't really write them here but I tried my best to recall them.

We talked for a few minutes more after that; then she returned to Crawford since her parents were picking her up. It was kinda funny actually how quickly the two of us bonded after that conversation. We understood each other perfectly. That's something that rarely happens when it comes to two people who are vying for another person's feelings. Heck, I can't even name one movie or book with that kind of weird friendship/relationship. That's life for you, Jackie. Sometimes it's like an overused cliché in fiction, and sometimes it's a story that has never ever been documented on film or paper.

When she left for Japan, I kept my promise and took care of Jeff. She was spot on when she said that Jeff was one of those guys who built their life around another person. And with Rosie being in the Land of the Rising Sun, Jeffers pretty much collapsed. But I was there, keeping my promise to Rosie, to care for Jeff and help him grow and reconstruct himself again.

We had some bumps on the road, namely either him collapsing again or me falling for him again but we pulled through. I talked to Rosie about it and I told her that I didn't want to fall for Jeff anymore. Because I knew that they deserved one another and I was already satisfied with the role I was playing. And to help me move on, Rosie suggested that I write a journal about everything Jeff and I did, just like what she did. But of course, you already knew that I didn't do the journal thing.

Because I started writing to you, Jackie.

Sigh… (hahaha, I actually wrote the 'sigh'… sorry, I just sighed real loudly and I was compelled to write it down) And look how far we've made it Jackie. The therapy did work. Rosie's suggestion did work. By voicing out everything to you, I was finally able to move on. And I'm actually truly happy because of it.

By now, you think that it's the end right? Well think again because I still have one story to tell you.

And this story actually happened yesterday and I can honestly say that I'm still deeply emotional because of it. It just moved me too much. So yeah, I don't want to prolong it any longer.

* * *

Yesterday, Johnny texted me to come to the Warbler's room for an emergency. I asked him what the problem was as I made my way there but he just told me that it's something I have to see for myself.

When I got there, I saw all the third year Warblers lined up, with Sebastian in the center. Johnny was in the corner and he was holding a guitar. Not a laptop but a guitar. It's an end of school year miracle!

Johnny started strumming and the other Warblers started chiming along. Jeff was there and Kent, and Cole, even Stephen (remember him?) was there.

Sebastian then fell out of the line and started singing to me.

_I'm not a perfect person_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before you go. _

_That I just want you to know_

Sebastian Smythe was singing Hoobastank's "The Reason" to me; one of my most favorite songs in the whole wide world. I have probably listened to that song over a thousand times on my iPod. And because of that, it wasn't lost on me that he changed the 'before I go' to 'before you go' since I was the one that was graduating.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

After he sang the chorus, Jeff suddenly stepped off the line as well and he joined Sebastian in singing the second verse, though Sebastian clearly let Jeff overpower him for that.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

I have no idea how Kurt stayed strong when Blaine and the rest of us Warblers serenaded him in his school's courtyard before because I seriously just bawled like a baby as they serenaded me. It's actually weird how awesome Jeff and Sebastian's voice blended when they sang the next parts of the song.

_And be the one who catches all your tears _

_That's why I need you to hear_

_I've found a reason for me _

_To change who I used to be _

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is You_

_And the reason is You_

_And the reason is You_

_And the reason is You_

They continued singing and I stood there paralyzed by the sheer awesomeness of the presentation laid before my eyes. They finally came to the last part of the song and just like what we did for our performance of "Glad You Came" in this year's Regionals, the Warblers dropped to a mellow tune so Sebastian's clear and powerful vocals could be heard.

_I've found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do_

_And the reason is you_

He hugged me the moment the song was done and to say that I was an emotional mess was an understatement. I thanked them all for the wonderful performance and we ended it with a group hug. Cliché I know but that's what happened.

Oh God, sorry for the tear splatters that smudged the ink… Sorry, it's just too much to take in for me. But yeah…

Sebastian asked me out after the performance on a date. An actual date. Not a date to practice for my auditions or a date to study History or Calculus. And I agreed and it's going to happen tomorrow night. And well, I have no idea what to expect… But you know what, I'm excited for it. Who would have ever known that I would actually go on a date with Sebastian Smythe, the same guy I wanted to cremate in a turbo broiler for hitting on Jeff at the start of the school year? Life really is unpredictable and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So yes, Jackie, I am happy to say that we all got our own versions of happy endings one way or another. It may not have been the intended happy ending but again, that's life for you (You're probably sick of me using this phrase over and over again but it's true!).

And maybe that's one of the biggest lessons I gained from this therapy, Jackie. There are just so many happy endings in the world. I just have to take the time to view all the possibilities. To not limit myself to just one alternate ending because there might be other endings out there that are as equally great.

Wow, sounded kinda preachy there. Hahaha, oh well. I don't plan on changing it.

Anyway, the Warblers beckon me because we have practice today. We're performing "Seasons in the Sun" for graduation. I know that it looks like a weird choice by it's still a goodbye song and the admin decided it for us.

It's actually cool actually. The first song I sang with the Warblers this school year was "Uptown Girl" which was popularized by Westlife, and now I'm ending my school year with another one of their popularized hits.

Well, I guess that's about it Jackie. Thank you for reading all of my accounts. I would never be where I am right now without you there, reading and receiving my weird letters.

Thanks for everything Jackie. And if you ever pass by New York, give me a call because I wanna meet you in person.

Signed,

Nicholas James Duval


	16. A note from Jackie

AN: So hello readers, Jackie here as Nick often calls me. My updating has finally caught up with real life so the last chapter I published was Nick's most recent letter and probably his last. Therefore, this story will now be marked as complete for the time being. If I do however receive more letters from Nick then I will remove the complete tag on this story and publish his most recent letter here again.

I hope you have enjoyed reading Nick's letters the same way I did

Signed, Jackie

* * *

Okay real world speaking; Hi my name is Percival Jones and thank you for reading this fanfic I created. This is my first ever multi-chapter fic that I have finally completed so I am very proud of it.

Now a lot of people have asked me who the heck is Jackie. Well my readers, in the real world, you are Jackie. Each one of you who have read each one of Nick's letters is Jackie. And I, the publisher of the letters, am Nick. And every time you reviewed this story, you, Jackie, are actually replying to Nick; to me.

Now I'll just jabber away some thanks and explain some of my inspirations for this story for the next paragraphs so if you don't want to read it then feel free to do so.

First off, I'd like to thank my frequent reviewers, Jo0sefa,SyiqahShikah, perfectlyODD, kawaii01, Melbi and my first reviewer, glistening moon. And also to those who dropped a review or message once: Secretlyrandom K, awkwardandreckless, Dewrr, LumosFlies, HockeyGal09, and to the anon. Thank you for taking the time to leave a message and some words of appreciation for this story.

I'd also like to thank my Beta Reader, Barefoot Bliss. You are forever totally awesome and you are definitely the coolest girl in the whole wide world. And yes, those are AVP references.

Anyway, I'd also like to thank two lovely authors that served as inspiration for the way my story turned out, Rick Riordan and Stephen Chbowsky.

Rick Riordan (popular works include Percy Jackson, Kane Chronicles and 39 Clues) inspired me the most with his modern way of writing stories. You feel so connected to what's happening to his works since he includes so much modern things to it. So much references that we are familiar with like Doctor Who, Adele, Pokémon, Facebook etc. And that's what I did here. I want you to connect with the story a lot that's why there are so many references to random things throughout the story. There's some Smash to it, there's How I Met Your Mother, Pokemon, Harry Potter, Youtube etc.

On the other hand, Stephen Chbowsky (author of The Perks of being a Wallflower and the screenplay writer for _RENT) _influenced me with the way I wanted to give off my story. Instead of sticking with the status quo which is normal storytelling, I made this into an epistolary fiction, kinda like The Perks of Being a Wallflower. And it worked well because it gave the story a more realistic and connected feeling to it. Whether Nick talks about the present arc of his life or the past one. Plus, I like the way that he gives off a story that ends yet it hasn't ended yet (it sounds weird but it's true.) That way, the readers can morph it into what they do feel will happen soon based on how they got to know the characters and the lead characters' decision making.

So I'm guessing that's all I have to say for this story.

_I've taken my bows and my curtain calls. _

_You brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it. _

_I thank you all_

Signed, Percival Jones

* * *

P.S I do not own Glee or any of the songs I used for this fic. Most of them are songs that the Glee cast performed themselves but some are songs that I wrote along for my story. All rights belong to RIB and Fox and the music labels and records of each song I used.


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